


The Evercoming Vitality of a Broken Virtue

by Japo_Chan23



Series: We Were Nothing [1]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anadia is Wind's Grandma, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Linkle is Aelda, Multi, Murder-Suicide, Past Domestic Violence, Suitable/Safe For Work, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26338066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Japo_Chan23/pseuds/Japo_Chan23
Summary: She sighs, fingers gliding through her hair. Hair that was Link’s to play with, hair that was Link’s to fidget with. Hair that was no longer Link’s to tug and pull at, no longer his to braid and put up. “Link… I can’t do this anymore. I need to go.”Hands, over his body, brushing his hair, brushing tears away from his eyes, brushing away the pinch in his brow. Brushing away the temporary warmth in his chest, leaving behind the cold, winter chill of the Midwest. She hugs him, before cupping his cheek, whispering bittersweet nothings to him. It didn’t mean anything.This didn’t mean anything.
Series: We Were Nothing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913878
Comments: 26
Kudos: 23





	1. i love you more than anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I long for you hands,  
> two doves that shade the blaze of my longing.”  
> -Maisoon Saqr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [only fools fall for you.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPGtZCosAuE&ab_channel=MARMUSIC)

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | February 21st | 2:54am**

_I’ll do better. I’ll be better._

“You always do this shit, Link.”

“I’m sorry.” The ‘ _I’ll be better’_ is left unspoken, the words hanging in the air between them from a thread, swinging gently from the noose wrapped snug around its throat. “You shouldn’t have to go through this.”

_We shouldn’t have to go through this._

“Why can’t you just-” she bites her lip, turning away. She hugs her body close to her, cigarette loose on her tongue, smoke trapping them both in the confines of each other, in the confines of the nicotine that buzzes beneath their skin and controls their bodies through their addiction. She sighs. “Link, why are we doing this?”  
  
“I don’t know anymore,” he says quietly, placing a hand against his face. They’re silent, exchanging a few words with idle glances, conveying as much as they could without a whisper. There are hands on his skin, on his shoulder, lips against his, on his cheek, his neck, going down, down, down.

He steps back, hissing as if he was burnt. “Don’t.” He places a hand against her cheek as she gazes up at him from where she kneeled at his feet, and he feels like something in him _yearns_ for the feeling of being touched, to be felt, to be loved. 

Not like this. Never like this. 

_I’m sorry_. “This was a mistake.”

“We don’t have to regret all of our mistakes,” she says, sliding her hands against his thighs. He feels warmth coil inside his stomach, but he pushes the feeling away when he feels the chilling bite of the wind against his cheek. 

“We’ll regret this one.” 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | February 22nd | 12:52pm**

“You’re leaving?” 

“I’m tired, Link.” She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, strands that Link would always play with, that he would always have dangling in the space between his fingers. He always played with her hair. “You keep pushing me away.”

“You never pull me back.” He stands up, hesitant to move. His feet were trapped in concrete, and he was being pulled down. Down into the bottom of the ocean, where his lungs burned with every breath he took, just like they did with every puff of smoke he inhaled. Down into the frozen lake where the icy waters pushed him beneath the surface, where he could no longer feel anything, feel himself, just like when he woke up, memories of last night locked away. Down into the abyss, into the void, where he would soon end up. 

“You never asked me to.” 

Link swallows the lump in his throat, feels the burn of last night burn through him once more. The yearning in his chest, the need to feel loved, wanted, to be _felt_. 

He never felt it from her. 

_Then go. I don’t need you anymore_. “Please don’t, Lana.”

She sighs, fingers gliding through her hair. Hair that was Link’s to play with, hair that was Link’s to fidget with. Hair that was no longer Link’s to tug and pull at, no longer his to braid and put up. “Link… I can’t do this anymore. I need to go.”

Hands, over his body, brushing his hair, brushing tears away from his eyes, brushing away the pinch in his brow. Brushing away the temporary warmth in his chest, leaving behind the cold, winter chill of the Midwest. She hugs him, before cupping his cheek, whispering bittersweet nothings to him. It didn’t mean anything. 

This didn’t mean anything. 

“Then go,” he whispers. _Leave with everything I gave you_ , he wants to say, watching as she picks up her items, her materialistic objects that filled his home. _Leave with the small piece of me that you took when we met._

And she does, parting with a melancholic smile. 

Link hasn’t seen her since. 

**Manhattan | Cafe Lalo | March 4th | 7:08pm**

He thinks he loves the man sitting across from him. 

“Where are you from?” The man asks, purple hair brushing over his forehead as he leans down, lips parting only for it to be wrapped around the chocolate fondue covered strawberry. He chewed, tilting his head, waiting. 

“Brooklyn,” Link answers, taking a bite of one of the strawberries, devoid of any chocolate fondue. Sharing this was a mistake that he couldn’t take back, but it’ll have to do. “What did you say your name was again?” He asks quietly, looking away. His cheeks tint a dusty pink. 

The man laughs. “Ravio,” he says. His elbows propped up on the table, and he rests his chin on the palm of his hands, his fingers shaping his face. Fingers tap his cheekbone as the corner of his lips turn up into a smile. “You came a long way just for a date.”

Link’s mouth is dry, and he takes a sip of water, as if that would drive away the dryness in his mouth, in his personality, in his words. His head hurts as his tongue darts out, sliding over his lips with ease. It was muscle memory at this point. “I was in town,” he says quietly, taking another sip of his water. 

Ravio shrugs, but his smile never leaves as he finishes off the rest of their fresh fruit. “Would you like to come back to my place afterwards?”

 _No_. “For sure.” 

Ravio smiles, and Link feels like he loves this stranger. 

**Manhattan | Blueground | March 4th | 10:23pm**

They ended up roaming the streets of Manhattan before going to Ravio’s car and beginning the slow trek towards Ravio’s apartment. 

There’s a hand on his thigh and he feels something in him burn. 

Link follows as Ravio brings him up to his apartment, and when the door shuts, there are hands on him. In his hair, pulling and yanking, bringing his head up as lips captured his passionately, a tongue slipping into his mouth and brushing over everything in his mouth, memorizing the cavern. 

He can taste the strawberries on Ravio’s tongue. 

Hands travels down his body, down his sides, harsh touches combating the airy feeling that capture Link’s mind. 

There are hands on his thighs, and he’s lifted up, back slamming against the wall behind him. Lips against his cheek, against his neck. A bite, marking him as his lover. Marking him. 

_I’ll do better_. A moan tumbles out between parted lips when he feels Ravio grind against him, and his head lulls to the side, eyes half-lidded. His thoughts are racing, his body is warm and flush as he gazes into Ravio’s eyes. 

They’re warm and filled with concern and panic. 

“You don’t want this,” he says.

 _I don’t_. “What are you talking about?” Link murmurs, and Ravio lowers him to the ground, onto his feet, letting the fantasy of sex and sweat dissipate, leaving only Ravio and Link. Ravio, who’s too caring for his own good, who’s able to look at Link, someone he just met, and tell him of the horrors etched into his skin, into his mouth, into his personality. Link, who is broken and crumbled, trying his best to recover from everyone leaving, from everyone, from everything.

 _Then go_. 

“Link, why did you come here?” Ravio asks, taking a step back. Link’s eyes dart down, and he notices the tent through Ravio’s pants, notices the worry in Ravio’s face, when it was pure bliss and ecstasy moments ago. 

He feels his lungs burn, and his skin itches. He needs a cigarette, needs the nicotine, needs to distract himself, needs Ravio, needs _more_. “I don’t know,” he whispers, stepping closer to Ravio. He reaches a hand up to Ravio’s cheek, thumb brushing over the skin beneath his green eyes, and the man doesn’t back away as he grabs Link’s wrist in a gentle grasp. “Please, Ravio, I need this.”

_I need you._

Ravio sighs, and pressed a small, tender kiss against Link’s lips, different from the harsh pecks moments ago that made his flush and burn brightly. It’s soft, and this isn’t what Link needs. He needs something that will make him forget, something rough to make him get what he deserves, something so that he can stop thinking for just a moment. “I don’t think I’m what you need.”

 _You’re right_. “Please.”

“I think you should go.”

Link sighs, and he nods, doesn’t fight back, doesn’t tell Ravio how much he needs to be needed, how much he needs to be wanted. _Please let me stay, for one night. I love you_ , he wants to say, as his hands find Ravio’s. “Thanks for the date,” he says instead, kissing the back of Ravio’s hand. 

Link leaves the apartment, Ravio waving goodbye behind his back. 

A week later Link sees Ravio with a fiery blonde who had a strand of pink hair. 

He pretends not to notice.

**Brooklyn | Stoddard Pl | March 21st | 8:21pm**

He’s at a house party filled with people he’s never met. Link doesn’t even know how he got here, and he thinks that maybe he just walked without a destination in mind and ended up here. 

There are people all around him, bodies brushing past him, without a worry about anything. There isn’t a care in the world. The atmosphere around them is intoxicating. Smoke collects above their heads, forming a ring of halos over all of the sinners mingling inside the small house.

Hands brushing his elbows, touching his hands, grabbing him from behind. A chin on his shoulder, and a whisper against his ear, breaking the trance that Link fell under. 

“You wanna get out of here?” She whispers, and Link can hear her lips pull back into a smile. 

He breathes in, breathes in her perfume, breathes in the smoke that followed him wherever he went, breathes in the mistake that this would inevitably be. He turns his head, eyes her greedily. Eyes her short, white hair that brushes against her chin and shapes her face perfectly, eyes her sultry grin, eyes her soft features that reminds him of Lana. 

He thinks that this might have been the sister he refused to meet all those times, and he pushes that thought far, far away. This is a stranger, and the stranger the better. 

His heart aches as he leans forwards, stealing a kiss. 

“Lead the way, babe,” he whispers against her lips. 

She pushes her lips back against his harshly as she grabs his hand, leading him out of the house and to her car.

**Brooklyn | Lefferts Ave | March 21st | 8:30pm**

She leads them to her bedroom, hands against his chest, in his hair, on his face, and then down, down, down. 

Their kisses are frantic as he pushes her onto the bed, and kisses her with everything he’s ever had. Another piece of him falls in love with her, another piece of him gone with another stranger that he hopes to never see again. 

There’s hands gripping his shoulders as he moves forward. 

**Brooklyn | Lefferts Ave | March 22nd | 5:27am**

He wakes up and is hit with regret. He knows this house, knows he's been here before with Lana when her parents and sister were gone. He glances down, towards the white haired girl sleeping next to him. This is a mistake.

 _We don’t have to regret all of our mistakes_.

That isn’t applicable to this situation. 

Link stumbles out of bed, relieving himself once he finds the bathroom. It is awkward, making his way throughout the home, like a ghost. He’s been here before, a long time ago. Silent and wary, confused, as he maneuvers his way throughout the place he didn’t belong in. 

He gathers his things, putting his clothes on quickly. Wrapping his scarf around his neck carefully. 

He stares at her sleeping form once more, and he can’t help but think of Lana again. 

Lana, with her beautiful blue locks that draped over her shoulders and into his fingers. Lana, with kind eyes and nicotine filled veins, who was just as fucked up and broken as he was. Lana, who he loved with his entire being when they first met, but as time went on the fire died down, his love for her no bigger than the dying embers of a match. 

He closes the door behind him quietly. He never formerly learned her name, and he didn’t want to.

This is a mistake, and it should remain as such. 

**Manhattan | Hallett Nature Sanctuary | April 10th | 1:19pm**

He doesn’t know how he gets here. Doesn’t know why he’s back here, back where he and his sister would run around and play under the supervision of their parents, back when she-

Link shakes his head. Dwelling on the thoughts of his sister isn’t what he needs, dwelling on the thoughts of what happened isn’t what he needs. 

Mother and son come home to murder-suicide. Father and daughter found dead at the scene. Motivations unclear.

“Fancy meeting you here stranger.” 

Link sighs, letting his head lull to the side before he lifts his head from where he sat in front of the tree, gazing at the man in front of him. “What are you doing here Twilight?” 

The brunette offers his hand for Link to take, and he does, grabbing at the man’s forearm as he hoists himself up, brushing dirt off of his jeans, brushing mistakes off of his being. As if.

“Wanted to go on a walk. Surprised to see you here.” Twilight looks at him worriedly, his brow furrows as he places his arm over Link’s shoulder, providing little comfort to Link. “I haven’t seen you in awhile. How’s Artemis?”

Link thins his lips. “We broke up a long time ago.”

“What happened?”

Broken glass thrown against the wall, lunging at each other as they yelled words of fire laced with venom at each other. Sore throats and bruises decorated each other’s skins when they soon learned that their verbal attacks no longer worked. When they soon learned that their love had died and withered like the flowers that they would gift each other every time they got into another argument. “We just didn’t love each other anymore.” 

What a lie. All he ever does is love everyone around him until he can’t even love himself. Link knows he still loves Artemis, still loves her features and the way that she would comfort him after the anniversary of his sister’s death. 

He still loves Artemis, just like he loves Lana, Ravio, and the girl from the party.

He just isn’t in love with her anymore. He’s not sure if he ever was.

**Brooklyn | Quaker Cemetery | May 18th | 4:39pm**

It’s been a few years since his father killed Link’s sister and then himself. 

Link always wanted what was best for her, always wanted her to be happy. 

She didn’t need to hear the arguments between mommy and daddy at three in the morning, didn’t need to know that daddy liked hurting little boys until the scars went through his skin and tainting him forever, that mommy tried her best to hide the fact that daddy was ruining her son. She didn’t need to know that sometimes daddy would come home late at night with alcohol staining his shirt, or that daddy would come home with another woman on his arm when mommy was away. His sister was never supposed to know about any of that. 

Link figured that that was why she was killed. Because she knew all along and wanted to help him. That poor Aelda, poor Linkle, made it her responsibility to confront daddy all on her own. 

He lights a cigarette, and lets the nicotine course through his veins, lets it control him once more. Lets it control the itch beneath his skin where the scars of his past lie.

He knows that if mother and son were home that day, there would’ve been four bodies found that day instead of two. 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | May 21st | 9:30pm**

The California heat is unbearable and Link would never have come here if he didn’t have a reason to.

His mother moved away, far away. Link couldn’t blame her. She had wanted to bring him with her to Lafayette, to leave New York and the demons that hid in their closets. Away from the tragedy that occurred in their home, away from the remains of father and daughter. 

Link was old enough to make his own decisions. Old enough to live on his own. _I wish I could_ , he said, whispering to mom after everyone had left the funeral, after if it was just him and mom left to grieve for the loss of a sister and monster. _I can’t leave her here alone with him, even though he already… I can’t leave her alone. Not again._ _  
_ _  
_ Mom had understood, and left for California a month after the funeral when they were able to sell Link’s childhood home. It wasn’t home anymore when it was haunted by the ghost of his sister and the demons that haunted him, that followed close behind him in the shadows and ruined him. 

“Hey, ma, how’ve you been?” Link says when the door opens, his suitcase in hand. The Lyft driver behind him drives away, to go off and pick up another stranger to take home. Link feels like that simplified description could fit him, too. 

She smiles happily, bringing him into a hug. He kisses her cheek in greeting as he hugs her back, letting go of his suitcase. “It’s so good to see you again, mi angelo,” she says, pulling back. 

Link smiles at the term of endearment that he hasn’t heard since he was a child, and he picks up his suitcase. He notices how his mother eyes him for a second longer than expected, notices how she would glance down at her feet, or look away from him so that she could wipe her eyes of the tears that were threatening to roll down her cheeks. 

There is a guest room that remained vacant, devoid of any personality. The rest of the home had something. Pictures of him and mom, pictures of him and sister, pictures of sister. Never any pictures of father, any momentums of the monster that could remind mom of the horrors that occured in New York on that fateful day. Mom takes the son to go buy something every other teenage boy had and to buy something for the younger sister who was about to graduate in a couple years. 

It was a shame that younger sister never got to see the art set they got for her. 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | May 22nd | 10:36am**

“Do you want something to eat, mi angelo?” There’s a soft kiss against his head and a pat on his shoulder. He smiles as he looks at his mother.

“No thank you. I ate earlier.”

“What’d you eat?”

“Cereal.”

“That’s not much of a meal.”

“Yes it is-”

“It was _not_. I’m gonna make some apricot-pancetta strata.”

“Okay ma. Thank you.”

“Of course, mi angelo.”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | May 22nd | 11:52am**

“This is really good.”

“I know.”

“Like, it’s _really_ good.”  
  
“I know.”

“...it reminds me of when we were all a family.” 

“Hurry and finish up, Link.” 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | May 29th | 5:43am**

He returned to New York two days ago. He’s returned to his habits two days ago, returned to his dull minded life of alternating between cigarettes and people. He misses having someone in his house that could kiss away the itch under his skin that only nicotine can cure. Misses having someone in his house that he could smoke with, that he could love and care for. That he could eventually leave when their love burned out. 

Twilight has been talking to Artemis to see how she was doing, apparently. She was still telling people lies, apparently, telling people that anything she did provoked anger from him and led to loud voices drumming in her ears and the sound of skin on skin echoing throughout the room.

She never tells anyone how the behavior went both ways. How they were always at war with each other, how they always wanted something from the other that they didn’t, _wouldn’t_ allow the other to have. Link wouldn’t allow Artemis the satisfaction in winning, allow her to see him beaten down and begging. And Artemis wouldn’t allow Link to be right, wouldn’t allow him to see her beneath the surface, when all he did was fight with her and hide who he was. 

There was something dark and sinister hiding inside both of them that wouldn’t leave until their venom laced words left parted lips, until they fell to the ground and threw their fists at each other, until they talked and finally decided that this wasn’t working. That they couldn’t live like that anymore, that they were obviously not good for each other when all they did was have arguments that turned into fights.

Link made threats, and Artemis carried those threats out. 

He hears Artemis and Impa are a thing now. He’s happy for her. 

Happy that she is able to find something that Link has yet to find. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 2nd | 11:06pm**

Link took someone home. Again.

Fits of giggles left their lips as they stumbled into his house, and they pulled their clothes off of their sweaty bodies, giggling when the white haired man stumbled over into Link’s arms, and Link wanted nothing more than to love this man with all of his being. 

He already is. He just wishes he can love this man even more. 

He’s panting as he gets pushed against the wall, and he laughs when the man grabs him by his hips and murmurs something into his neck, breath tickling his skin. “Ghira, right?”

Ghira makes a hum, before nodding, kissing his collarbone before he nipped at his skin, rolling the flesh in between his teeth as he marked Link’s chest. He pulls away, saliva sticking to Link’s skin. “Link, correct?”

Link laughs, pulling Ghira into a kiss. “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. You can forget it in the morning.” 

Ghira makes a sound of displeasure, but is soon silenced as Link pushes the man onto his bed. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 3rd | 9:52am**

There are arms around him and he’s burning. 

There’s a kiss against the back of his neck and a hand massaging his sides. He feels gross, feels nauseated, as the events of last night pushes itself into the forefront of his brain. His body isn’t his own- it never was. “Good morning,” he whispers against his pillow as he swallows the lump in his throat. 

“Morning,” Ghira whispers back. 

“I thought you would have left already.”

“Do you want me to?”

 _No_. “Put your number in my phone before you go.”

“Alright.”

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 4th | 10:05am**

Ghira is gone and he remains in bed, the blankets wrapped around him tightly like prison. 

He reaches for his phone, and scrolls through his short contacts list until he is looking at the contact that Ghira made for himself. 

**Ghirahim** **♡**

**(718) xxx - xxxx**

**Wanna get coffee sometime?**

Link sits up, letting the blanket slide down his shoulders and pool around his waist. He adjusts the blanket so that he’s covering himself while his lips pull down into a frown. He taps the screen for a few minutes, sending Ghirahim a text saying that he doesn’t want anything else besides the sex. 

He goes back to the contact, and he reads it over. Over, and over, memorizing each little detail, before he deletes the note that Ghirahim left, and changes the name. 

**Hot Guy From Bar**

**(718) xxx - xxxx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why it takes place in new york, it just does lmao


	2. you don't know how lucky you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I would split open my heart with a knife, place you within and seal my wound, that you might dwell there and never inhabit another …”  
> -Ibn Hazm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [but how could i hate her? she's such an angel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPUg7n8-M6o&ab_channel=ConanGrayVEVO)

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 12:31pm**

Link isn’t sure why he came here, isn’t sure why he just wanted to come here after he saw Twilight again a couple months after they talked in the nature sanctuary. He knows he could visit Twilight whenever, could go to this apartment and just knock. Before they saw each other in the nature sanctuary, it’s been over a year or two when they actually talked. 

He missed Twilight. Just a little bit. They were best friends growing up, of course he misses the man.

Twilight was always there for him, even after his sister died. He was always there for him, but since Link turned twenty, they just… grew apart. Link just started to cope with everything going on in his life in a horrible fashion, and Link just assumed that Twilight couldn’t handle his self destructive behavior anymore.

Link wasn’t even sure if Twilight _wanted_ to see him again until they saw each other at the nature sanctuary. Maybe that’s why he’s here. Because he feels like Twilight would actually _want_ to see him. 

He swallows the lump in his throat.

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 12:36pm**

“Who the fuck are you grandpa?” Is the first thing out of Link’s mouth when he sees who opens the door. 

The man on the other side of the door, who had a scar over his eye and lips turned down into a frown, looked at Link for a split second, before slamming the door on his face without a word. 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 12:38pm**

“ _Okay stop banging on the door,_ what do you want!?” The man shouts once he ripped the door open, coming face to face with Link.

Link smiles. “Do you know where I can find Twilight Hafeez?”

The man narrows his eyes. “What’s it to you?” He asks, hand on the doorknob, ready to slam it shut on Link once more. 

The blonde rolls his eyes as he pushes his hair back. “Can you just tell him Link Arteaga came by? Or tell me where he is, if you know him?” 

Link shifts from one foot to the other as the man continues to stare at him, his eye narrows slightly, before he sighs loudly. The man steps to the side, and opens the door wider. “Twilight is out getting groceries, he shouldn’t be too long.”

“Lit, thanks old man.” 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 12:42pm**

“Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

“Oh, yeah, I do. Like five.”

“How do you get five boyfriends?”

“So, my right hand, my left hand-”

“Oh god, stop-”

“My friend Ghirahim’s hands, which adds up to four by the way, in case you can’t do math-”

“I did algebra STEM in high school, and you _just_ said you were literally in extended algebra, Link.”

“Aaaaaand his mouth. At least until I find someone else.”

“You’re repulsive.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 1:08pm**

“I’m back!” Twilight shouts, kicking the door shut behind him. The rustling of plastic bags was heard, and Link sits up from his spot on Twilight’s couch so he can see his childhood friend again. 

“About time!” Link shouts, but was still grinning anyways. “I was getting tired of talking to your old man, he’s kinda boring. You never told me your mom remarried.”

Twilight furrows his brow, obviously confused. “What do you-” he pauses, glancing at the man sitting next to Link. “Do you mean fucking _Time_?”

“Yeah, your new dad, Father Time or whatever,” Link says, standing up so he can help Twilight with the groceries after he dropped them onto the floor. “I thought your adopted parents were getting along well, though,” Link says to himself with a frown. "I didn't think your mom would remarry. Or your dad."

Twilight frowns, but lets Link take the groceries as he turns to Time. “Did you not bother to correct him?”

“No, I thought that he would’ve figured it out by now,” Time says with a shrug. 

“Figure what out?” Link asks, taking a banana out of the bag. He peels it, and begins to chew it slowly. 

“Time’s my cousin, Link.”

Link stops chewing for a moment, before he points the banana at Time, not bothering to swallow what is left in his mouth. “ _That’s_ you cousin?”

“Yes.”

“No fucking way, he’s like,” Link waves his banana around for a minute as he eyes Time, studying his features. “An old man.”

“I’m almost thirty-”

“Noooooo,” Link says, eyes widening. “No way, that’s crazy. Nah, I don’t believe it, you gotta be like, fifty, and that’s your new kid,” he continues, jabbing a thumb in Twilight’s direction.

“We barely even look alike!” Twilight shouts. “I was fucking adopted!”

“But he’s so oldddd,” Link whines.

“We just established that I was almost _thirty_.”

“We just established that you’re a filthy fucking liar and that you’re definitely _not thirty_.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 1:12pm**

“...I still don’t believe it.”

“It’s a fact! We’re cousins! You can’t just say you don’t believe it, it’s what it is! And I’m still _adopted_!” 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 1:22pm**

“It’s been awhile since we’ve talked,” Twilight says, after they had put up all of his groceries. He and Link are in the kitchen, standing side by side by the fridge, while Time stays in the sitting room, watching television.

Link pauses, and thins his lips. “Yeah, it has, hasn’t it?” He murmurs, opening the fridge. He skims it, looking for something, anything that would provide as a distraction. 

Twilight closes the fridge. “Link, what’s going on with you? Last time I saw you, you were getting into bar fights and drinking yourself away.” He keeps his hand on the fridge, cornering Link.

“I stopped drinking,” he says quietly, hugging himself. “I cut back. I got help. I didn’t like being drunk all the time, but-”

“There shouldn’t be a _but_ to this, Cap, and you know this.” His old nickname makes Link want to crawl into a hole and wallow. His sister would call him captain whenever she wanted to play pirates and when Twilight was over and heard the nickname, well, of course he started to call Link captain too. 

He hasn’t heard that nickname since she died. 

“What do you expect from me, Twi?” He pushes his hair back as he backs himself against the counter. He hears laughter coming from the television, hears the overused laugh track and loud voices. Time is silent, and the television becomes louder. Link licks his lips. “I don’t exactly have anyone or anywhere to go-”

“I have _always_ been there for you, Link-”

“Where were you on her anniversary then?” Link whisper-shouts, and he resisted the urge to shove Twilight. “Huh? Why weren’t you there? She was like a sister to you too, I know that for fucking sure, so where the _hell_ were you?” Link feels his skin burning, feels like there’s ice in his veins. He feels the venom that was in both him and Artemis come back into his system that he spits out with his words, and he feels like he’s being pushed beneath water. Feels like he’s going below surface and he’s on autopilot, and he’s not even thinking about what he’s saying. The words are jumbled in his mouth and spew out in coherent sentences that form a knife that was meant to hurt. 

And hurt it does. 

Twilight falters, stumbles back slightly, before he rubs his face while looking away, looking away from Link, looking away from his old friend, looking away from the mess of a man that he has become. Looking away from Link, when his similarities to his sister start to become overwhelming, and Twilight can’t help but see her. 

The brunette swallows audibly, and Link finally realizes how hard it must be for the other man to see Link again and actually _talk_. Realizes that Link isn’t the only one that lost his sister that day. “I’m sorry, Twi, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay,” Twilight says, holding his hand up to stop Link. “It’s okay,” he repeats quietly as he pushes his hair back. “I know you don’t mean it. You never do, Link,” he says softly, defeated. 

Link deflates. “Twilight, I’m sorry.” _Sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed it, sorry that I’m like this, sorry that I can’t be anything more than a whore, sorry that I’m not the man you thought I was, sorry that I look like her._

“I know."

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 1:59pm**

They made spaghetti. 

His mother would be disappointed in the way they made it, but he knows she would understand anyways. She always did. 

“Did you hear that Legend got a new boyfriend?” Twilight says in between bites. He swallows as he begins to wave his fork around. “He talks about him nonstop, like he has a lot to say about that guy.”

“Do you know his name?” Time asks, and the old man is a lot more respectful with eating, which Link is grateful for. 

“No clue,” Twilight says with a shrug. “Could ask him later. I can invite them over and they can have some of this spaghetti.”

“Oh, should I head out then?” Link asks, pointing at the door. “I don’t wanna intrude-”

“No, don’t worry about it, you’re family, Link. Shit, if you’re gonna hangout here more often, I might as well introduce you to my friends at some point, right?” Twilight smiles widely as he finishes the rest of his spaghetti, before putting his dish away in the sink. “I can call him, and he could come over. Maybe I can invite the others too?”

“You want to have eight people in your apartment?” Time deadpans, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, when you put it like that…” Twilight trails off, pulling his phone out. “I’ll just invite Legend then. I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks, so it’ll be good to catch up with him,” he finishes, tapping on his screen. 

Link pushes his food around for a moment, before he pushes his plate forward, indicating that he was done with the meal, despite the fact that he barely ate any of it. “What kind of name is Legend?”

“His parents thought they were getting a girl, and they wanted her to be ‘beloved by all’,” Twilight explains, doing finger quotes after he put his phone away. “They didn’t have a name planned for if they had a boy, so they just named him Legend.”

“No middle name to go by?” 

“Nope.”

“Weird.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 3:02pm**

There is a knock at the door that startles Link from where he almost fell asleep at the table. 

Twilight answers the door, and Link wants to jump out the window when he sees blonde hair with a perfect strand of pink hair. 

_I don’t think I’m what you need._

_I think you should go._

“Who’s that guy?” Legend asks, pointing at Link. Who is staring, staring at the man that felt Ravio’s touches, staring at the man that Ravio didn’t push away, staring at the man that Ravio stayed with. 

This is the man that Ravio needed. Not Link. 

“That’s Link. He’s like my brother,” Twilight says, waving his hand towards Link. Link waves slightly, forcing a smile. “Link, this is Legend De León.”

“Nice to meet you,” Link says. ‘ _How’s Ravio doing?_ ’ he wants to ask, but he keeps the words behind his lips, tucked beneath his tongue so he could swallow them later without anyone noticing. 

“Nice to meet you too,” Legend says with a nod, before he turned his attention back to Twilight with a grin. “Where’s the spaghetti, wolf boy?”

“You say you think Taylor Lautner is hot just a few times,” Twilight grumbles, before he begins to prep a plate for Legend.

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | June 12th | 3:34pm**

“How come you never mentioned Link before?” Legend asks after he finished eating, and they’re all seated at the table. Time is silent as he reads a book, and Link is scrolling through his phone mindlessly. 

“It’s complicated,” Twilight sighs, and Link sees Legend narrow his eyes. “We knew each other for a majority of our life, but some stuff happened, and we just grew distant. We started talking again though, so it’s all good,” Twilight smiles with a tilt of his head, and Link feels like Twilight is happy.

He’s glad for that. Glad that Twilight can be happy, glad that his mom seemed happy when he visited her in May. Glad that Twilight didn’t let the death of Link’s sister stop him from living his life, from being able to just continue going forward. 

Link scratches the side of his head. 

“You guys had a falling out?” Legend asks, stabbing the rest of his pasta with his fork. Link winces, his lips curling into a frown. “Like, what, an argument? Did you do something stupid?”

“Legend,” Time interrupted, eyeing the man. “Drop it.”

Legend rolls his eyes, before he shrugs. “Touchy subject then. Got it.”

Link brings his legs up onto the chair, tucking his knees close to his chest, wrapping his arms across his legs. He purses his lips. “How’d you meet Twi?”

“He was yelling in the library,” Legend says, sitting back in his chair. “About how he thinks spiderman is a little overrated.”

“That’s just my opinion!”

“It’s a stupid opinion!”

“But it’s an opinion!”

“That’s why it’s stupid!”

Link snickers. He can’t help but laugh at the banter between the two. There is a warm feeling in his chest, not the burning heat that was always there whenever he was with lovers that he loved only when he first met them. This warmth curls around his shoulders and tells him that everything is going to be okay. This warmth makes him feel like his family isn’t broken again.

He watches as Legend threw his dirty fork at Twilight, and he laughs loudly at the scene. 

Ravio is lucky to have Legend. And he is lucky he had the opportunity to meet the other man.

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 13th | 9:18pm**

The summer heat is starting to get to him, but it is never warmer than the fire that burned his insides with every touch, every kiss, every thought. Ever since he met Ghirahim, he would occasionally call the man up just so he can feel loved, feel needed, feel wanted. Just to _feel_.

Ghirahim isn’t much of a stranger anymore. And that isn’t what Link likes. What he wants.

_The stranger the better._

Ghirahim is strange, but he is familiar. 

That just won’t do anymore. 

“Come over. I miss you,” he whispers into the silence, phone pressed heavily against his ear, but no heavier than the burden of his sins that pushed him below the surface and into the fires. 

He hears a soft laugh, hears the smile that stretches across Ghirahim’s face. “Are you sure about that, love?” Link hears Ghirahim breathing softly, and Link stares at his open closet, at the clothes that hung there covering the skeletons hidden behind them. 

He swallows the lump in his throat, feels his body burn. “Yes. Please. Need to see you.”

Ghirahim laughs once more. “I’ll be right over. Ta for now.”


	3. comfort of strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My lips and fingers were pens on her flesh. / I memorized her in every alphabet and memorized my memories until they multiplied...”   
> -Adonis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [you're my painkiller when my brain gets bitter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0p_B-9y8Tws&ab_channel=FienVolkaerts)

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 14th | 5:32pm**

He’s in the middle of something when there’s a knock at the door. 

They pause, and Ghirahim looks down at him. “Should you go get that?” He asks, lighty raking his fingernails up and down Link’s thighs. 

Link sighs, and rolls his eyes. He kicks at Ghirahim’s back with the heels of his feet, since his legs were hooked over the other man’s shoulders. “Probably some fucking religious guy trynna convert, it’s fine, just fucking  _ move _ ,” he hisses, yanking on Ghirahim’s hair. 

The man growls. “You’re such a brat,” he says, glaring at Link. 

“Yeah, well, this ass pops and you can’t get enough of it, so you can’t complain,” Link huffs, dropping his arms above his head. He purses his lips when he continues to hear banging on his door. 

“I really think you should get that,” Ghirahim murmurs, starting to pepper Link’s face with kisses. 

Link hums as he closes his eyes with a blissful sigh. “How close are you?” He whispers, barring his neck for Ghirahim. The man leans forward, nipping at Link’s skin, leaving light pink marks across his neck with the dark purple ones he had left earlier. 

“Not that close. And you?” 

Link sighs. “Not close at all with whoevers banging on my door,” he grunts. He unhooks his legs from their place over Ghirahim’s shoulders. He feels a headache coming on. “Alright, fuck off,” Link says, patting Ghirahim’s chest.

Ghirahim rolled his eyes, but pulls out nonetheless. He gets off the bed, picking up his clothes. “Mind if I use your shower?” He asks, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Link’s bathroom.

“What? Yeah, sure, whatever, don’t even bother asking next time, just do it,” Link says, with a wave of his hand. “Just don’t spike up my water bill.”

“Got it.”

The banging on the door continues. Link groans as he pushes his hair back, looking for a fresh pair of boxers and some shorts. He picks up Ghirahim’s hoodie off the ground, and gives it a quick sniff. Smells fine. 

Rubbing his forehead, he rushes down the stairs of his home. “I’m coming, I’m coming!” He shouts, fixing his hair so it didn’t look like he just got done have sex. “Just calm down! Jesus,” he grumbles underneath his breath. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 14th | 5:35pm**

There is a group of people in front of his house.

Scratch that, Twilight and Time took advantage of Link giving them his address, and they brought their entire friend group to invade his home. 

_ Right _ when he was getting laid too, for fucks sakes. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 14th | 5:38pm** ****  
**  
** Link is very aware of the sound of the water running, and he is also  _ very _ aware of the… eight or so people in his house. Four of which he doesn’t recognizes, and three of which he decides deserve to be strangled. 

They brought pizza and beer though. Only one of which he could have. He’ll probably offer Ghirahim some, but the man is still in the shower. “Why are you all here again?” Link asks, his arm crossed over his hoodie. 

Not his hoodie. Ghirahim’s hoodie. Right.  _ Right _ , dude is still in his house taking a cold shower. 

“So, I was thinking-”

“That’s dangerous-”

“Shut up Link,” Twilight says, but his lips were still turned up in a smile. The rest of the people in the background were talking loudly from where they were in his living room. “Remember when I said I wanted to introduce you to the rest of my friends? We have a movie day once a month, so I figured that doing it here would be a great way to introduce you to them.”

He shifts from one foot to the other. His habits are there for everyone to see. The cigarette butts that decorate his table, the ashtray that is almost halfway filled, some of Lana’s things that he has yet to put away, the blanket and pillow that they had gotten and used for when they cuddled on the couch are still there. 

Lana is the only one of his partners he misses from time to time. 

“You should’ve texted me or something, now really wasn’t a good time,” Link says, rubbing the back of his neck. He is glad that the hoodie at least covers the hickeys Ghirahim left. He never left any that couldn’t be covered. 

“Oh, did you just wake up?” Twilight asks, tilting his head. 

“Something like that,” he mumbles, placing his hands in the hoodie pocket. He hears the water shut up, and hopes that Ghirahim just takes one of Link’s shirts instead of coming downstairs. Link thins his lips. “Beer and pizza though? Really?”

“Some of the guys don’t drink, so we brought soda as well if that’s what you’re worried about,” Twilight says, and he pats Link’s shoulder. “I should probably tell you who’s who, now, actually.”

“Yeah that’d be great,” Link says. He frowned, hearing the thudding of feet against his stairs. 

“Link, did you take my hoodie?” Ghirahim asks, his keys jingling in his hands as he shoves them into the pocket of his jeans. 

Twilight glances at Ghirahim, eyebrows furrowing before shooting up, his mouth forming a small ‘o’. Link slaps his forehead. “Yeah, I did, I’ll give it back next time, just get outta here,” Link says, pointing at his front door. 

“Alright, babe,” Ghirahim steps up to Link, giving him a quick kiss. “Enjoy…” he waves his hand towards the other people in the living room. “Whatever this is.”

“Take a beer on your way out, G.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Your loss,” Link says, shrugging as Ghirahim left, the door slamming behind him. 

Twilight thins his lips. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” he says, rubbing his cheek.

“I don’t, he just happens to be a hot British guy that I like having sex with. Are you gonna introduce me to the strangers in my home now or am I just supposed to guess?” Link grumbles, following Twilight where everyone else is. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 14th | 5:41pm**

“Hey!” Legend points at Link, before he snapped his fingers. “Link! We have pizza and shitty movies, come watch.”

There is a small chorus of hellos, and Link couldn’t help the feeling that he doesn’t really belong in this setting, despite the fact that it’s his house, god damnit. “Uh, hi,” he mumbles, kicking at the floor slightly. “I’m Link. And this is my home, I guess,” he says, gesturing towards the rest of the house. 

“You don’t sound so sure of that,” Time says after he finishes his slice of pizza.

“I’m not squatting if that’s what you’re insinuating,” Link huffs, moving over to sit on the armrest next to Time. “It used to be my uncle’s house, but it’s mine now.”

“Neat,” one of the guests says. He has long, bleach blonde hair that reaches his waist tied back in a low ponytail. “I’m a Link too by the way! Link Chan, but I go by Wild,” he reaches a hand over for Link to shake. 

“Strange nickname,” Link says, shaking Wild’s hand.

“It’s ‘cause he kept eating wild mushroom ramen.” This one, a smaller man in a green headband, with a slight accent to his voice. Link can’t tell from where, though. “Leigh Demir, call me Four.”

“It’s not cause you’re four feet, right?”

“Oh hell no!” Four laughs, a hand over his chest. “No, I’m just the fourth child in my family. Nothing special.”

“Uh huh.” Link nods before he thins his lips, and reaches for a slice of pizza. “How many other Links are there in this group?” He asks, taking a small bite. He can’t say he was particularly hungry. 

“Time is,” Twilight says, pointing at the man. “We call him that ‘cause he always knows what time it is.” 

“It’s an amazing internal clock he has,” another one of the guests says. “I go by Sky, but my name is Link Lawrence.” 

“Sounds like a doctor name.”

“Well, my parents are farmers,” Sky laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Link licks his lips, studying everyone, before he points at the brunette. “Did you introduce yourself yet?” Link tilts his head.

“Oh, uh, I’m Jack Steeves, but I go by Hyrule.”

“Weird name, but respect.”

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | June 14th | 8:18pm**

“How long do these movie marathons typically go on for?” Link asks, the credits of the movie slowly moving through the screen. 

“However long everyone wants it to go on,” Twilight sas. They had finished the pizza a long time ago, and a few of them were nursing a beer, while most of them were drinking water or soda. Link brought out some chips he knew he had, and he found popcorn somewhere, somehow. 

He wasn’t really sure if that popcorn was good though, but thankfully it was mainly used to throw at each other. Even though he knows he would be the one to clean it up. “Does everyone want to watch another movie or stop now?”

Everyone exchanges glances, but the Wild speaks up. “We can stop now,” he says, smiling. “Since this is your house, you can end it whenever.”

“Oh. I mean, you guys can leave now if you need to,” Link says, waving his hands slightly to deter the thought. “I don’t mind you staying, just need to clean up the mess is all.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Wild says. “It’ll be cleaned up, we won’t leave you to clean it up on your own.”

Link smiles. “Alright. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's my race/ethnicity/nationality/religion hc for the links:   
> Link "Warriors/Captain" Arteaga - Italian/Hispanic [American] (Agnostic)  
> Anadia Kalawai'a - Hawaiian [American] (Buddhist)  
> Wind Kalawai'a - Hawaiian [American] (Agnostic)  
> Aryll Kalawai'a - Hawaiian [American] (Buddhist)  
> Twilight Hafeez - Caucasian [American] (Agnostic)  
> Muhammad Link "Time" bin Hafeez - Malaysian [Malaysia] (Muslim)   
> Legend De León - Guatemalan [American] (Atheist)  
> Link "Sky" Lawrence - African [American] (Christian)  
> Link "Wild" Chan - Chinese/Taiwanese [American] (Buddhist)  
> Jack "Hyrule" Steeves - Indigenous Canadian/Caucasian [American] (Agnostic)  
> Leigh "Four" Demir - Caucasian [Turkish] (Jewish)


	4. my word is my bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Through her, in a rush of musk  
> and saffron, beauty falls  
> into disarray.”  
> -Ibn Al-Arabi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [well, the light was dim in this life of sin, now every day I wake up and breathe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B3YwcjQ_bU&ab_channel=MacMiller)

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 11th | 10:22pm**

“What are you doing in my house?”

“I was just keeping your place tidy, no biggie.” 

“How did you even get  _ in here _ -”

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 11th | 10:30pm**

“Are you gonna explain why you’re here now?” 

Twilight shifts, twiddling his thumbs, and Link feels anxiety bubble in his chest for just a moment before he pushes it down, replacing it with the same annoyance and anger he felt when he first entered his home.

“Like I said, I was keeping your place tidy,” Twilight explains. He begins to crack each finger individually, small pops that Link began to fixate on, watching the motion, until Twilight drops his hands and swings his arms slightly. “You were gone all day, and I felt bad about yesterday. I thought you were gonna stay with someone tonight.”

Link swallows the lump in his throat. “Change of plans, I guess.” He wishes he could just go upstairs and kick Twilight out, maybe so he could get some alone time. Kick back, call up some old friends, ignore the ache in his head. 

“Did something happen?” Twilight didn’t move from his spot on the couch, and Link considers leaving his own home just to avoid having this conversation. 

“I’m just tired,” Link murmurs, and he shrugs his windbreaker off, throwing it over the arm of the couch. He considered going to see someone for the hundredth time, considered seeing Ghirahim or finding someone new, but he just ended up visiting Aelda. 

Twilight sighs, and he scratches his arm. “Look, Captain-”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Link rolls his eyes as he lays down on the couch, propping his feet up on the couch. He folds his arms behind his head, and he rubs his eye. 

Twilight grabs Link’s legs, and brings them up for a moment so he could sit down, only to place them back on top of the armrest, over his lap. “Link,” Twilight starts, and his hands rest on top of Link’s legs, playing with denim of his jeans. “I know you don’t like how things are without Aelda.”

“Yeah, we been knew.” Link sat up, and brought his legs up to his chest as he scooched as far away from Twilight as possible. Which wasn’t that far, considering how small his couch was. “I don’t know why you insist on talking about it.”

“You’ve… had a lot of issues, before,” Twilight says, and he looks away, eyes trained on the blank television, staring at their reflection. “You were basically an alcoholic, and you know, I’m proud of you for recovering-”

“At least someone is.”

“- _ And _ I can also see that you’re still doing horribly,” Twilight finishes with a huff. 

Link furrows his brow, and he plays with the couch cushions for a moment. “I don’t see why I’m being forced to have this conversation in my own fucking house-”

“You can’t keep pushing this off!”

“ _ Yes _ , I can!” Link shouts, and he pushes his hair back before scratching at the top of his head harshly. “I’ve been pushing it off ever since!”

“Linkle wouldn't-”

“Don’t fucking  _ start _ -”

“ _ Please _ -”

“Get the fuck out right now Twilight, I swear to god.” He pushes Twilight away from him, resisting the urge to knock him down. “Just- just get outta here, man.” Link feels himself deflate, feels all of his energy leave him, and he feels defeated, feels like a shell of the man he never was. 

“It’s been years!” Twilight shouts back, and waves wildy around him. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Link. Just  _ talk  _ to me.” His voice lowers to nothing but a whisper, and the brunette reaches out to Link. 

Link moves back, Twilight’s fingers barely brushing over his shoulder, and his throat is tight. “You need to leave,” he whispers, and he wraps his arms around himself. His nerves are all over the place, and he feels the need to swing his arms, to move his body, and he can’t breathe because his throat is  _ too tight, _ and his body isn’t big enough for him, he needs more _ space _ -

“Link…” Twilight starts, but he sighs, and Link can’t help but feel like he’s eighteen again, when he lived with Twilight and his family after his mother finally moved to California. When Twilight’s adoptive parents would call him  _ adik _ when trying to coax him out of the guest room when his grief for Aelda was too much to bear and he couldn’t do anything more than lay in a room with the blinds closed to the world. When Twilight would try to talk to him through closed doors, attempting to reassure him that he was going to get better, even if Aelda isn’t here anymore. 

“Please, Twi,” Link murmurs. He rubs his eyes, and glances away, pushing away the thoughts of Twilight’s adoptive parents and how kind they were to him, of how kind  _ Twilight _ is to him. “Not now.”

“It’s been years-” Twilight’s hand is in his peripheral vision, and Link quickly backs away, slapping Twilight’s hand away harshly. His eyes dart from Twilight’s hand to his face, and he can see the disappointment and hurt from Twilight’s expression. He drops his hand with a heavy sigh. “Alright. Sure. I can tell when I’m not wanted. Just promise me you’re not going to do anything stupid.”

Link swallows the lump in his throat, and resists the urge to tell Twilight to stay. “Of course, Twi,” Link murmurs. He grasps his bicep tightly, fingernails digging into his skin, and he focuses on the sting. “I would never.”

Twilight nods. “Good. I’ll.. talk to you later.”

“Okay,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Okay,” Twilight repeats.

And he leaves, the door shutting quietly behind him, and Link isn’t even sure if it’s closed all the way. 

There’s a pause.

Then Link feels like he made another mistake. Just like he did with Lana. 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 12th | 3:14pm**

“What are you doing here?”

“Lookin’ for Twi, he home?”

“No.”

“Fuck, okay, sorry-”

“Do you want to come in?”

“... yeah.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 12th | 3:14pm**

There’s a cup of tea in front of him. 

Link never really liked tea. 

“Sorry for the mess,” Time apologizes, and Link wants to apologize to Time for thinking that the apartment, which appeared to be perfectly  _ spotless _ , was deemed a mess. Link didn’t want to know what the older man thought of Link’s house. “I haven’t been able to clean yet. I’ve been busy, my partner Sheik just left, actually,” Time says as he takes a seat across from Link.

He furrows his brow as he stares into the amber liquid, before he snaps himself out of a daze. “It’s- it’s fine,” he murmurs, lifting the cup up. He takes a small sip, and he grimaces at the taste. He was never one for tea. Link sets the cup down gently. “I didn’t tell you or Twilight I was coming here anyways,” he says quietly, beginning to toy with the table cloth. 

“Speaking of which…”

“He told you?”

Time sighs as he takes a seat across from Link. “He tells me everything,” he says, taking a sip of his tea. Time glances at him curiously, with a tilt of his head. “You know he worries about you.”

“I know…” Link trails off, and he pushes his hair back. “It’s just- I don’t know,” he grumbles, and he lifts the tablecloth up, before letting it drop unceremoniously back to its place. “Things are different now.”

“You haven’t changed at all.” Time chuckles to himself, and he leans forward. Link ignores the urge to lean back into his seat, ignores the urge to bring his knees up to his chest and hide like he always did. 

“I don’t even know you,” Link retorts, eyes narrowing slightly. Always on the defense. Link doesn’t understand why he feels like he needs to leave, why he feels like he needs to hide now. 

“Twilight tells me everything, we just went over that.” The Malaysian man laughed loudly, and Link feels his cheeks burn, and his palms are sweaty. 

“Right, right.”

“You’re here to apologize to him, aren’t you?”

“I think so.”

Time pauses, and he raises a brow. Link shrugs as the corners of his lips pull down into a frown. There’s a drop in his stomach, and his chest aches at the idea of forcing his tongue to form words that eh would have to string together into a coherent sentence. “Twilight is… he doesn’t get it,” Link says quietly. He pulls one leg up onto the wooden chair, and places his cheek against his knee, a dull pressure pressing against his cheek bone. He focuses on it as much as he can as he fiddles with his fingernails, pushing on his nail, feeling the slight ache. “He didn’t see Linkle-  _ Aelda _ look so…” he swallows, and he sees Time nod in his peripheral vision.

And he’s eighteen again, finally coming home from shopping with his mother, only to be greeted by the scene that his father left for them. 

Aelda with her chest covered in blood, countless holes made by the kitchen knife, permanently ruining her favorite sweater and decorating her chest with ugly slits. Slashes across her arms, incisions made post mortem for whatever reason, and the knife rested in her skull. His father was found on the couch, shotgun in hand. 

Link wishes that his father had just used the shotgun on Aelda instead of putting her through that torture. 

“She looked so…”  _ Dull, unhappy _ , are the first words to pop into his mind.  _ A nightmare, dreadful, uncomfortable, desolate _ . Aelda looked like how Link felt that day. Like the world just lost it’s sun. “ _ Small _ , and- and I was so scared, seeing her like that.” He feels numb, recounting what had happened that night. 

There’s a pain in his chest, and presses harder on his fingernail. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Time sighs, and he drums his fingers against the table quietly. “Your sister must have been too young to say goodbye, to go through something so horrific.”

“She’s in a better place now,” Link says, and he hopes that she is. He knows he isn’t a believer anymore, but he knows that Aelda deserves to be up there, or at least somewhere peaceful where she can be at peace. “She’s so kind.”

“You’re not in that well of a space though, Link.”

“This ain’t about me,” Link grumbles. He pulls his other leg up, and wraps his arms around them, gripping his biceps tightly, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt, bunching up the sleeves. 

Time looks at him with pity in his eyes, and Link hates it. “You went through something horrible, Link,” Time says softly, and the man traces his finger along the rim of his cup. “Aelda may be in a better place, but you’re still  _ here _ . You’re still suffering, even after all these years.”

“No I- I’m not,” Link stammers out. He sits up with a sort of urgency, and he places his elbows down onto the table with more force than necessary. His fingers comb through his hair repeatedly as he tried to pull his thoughts back into order. “I’m  _ fine _ , I’m  _ okay,  _ Aelda is the one-”

“Aelda isn’t here anymore,” Time interrupts, and Link continues to open and close his mouth, even after his vocal chords stop working. “It’s like you said- she’s in a better place. But you’re still here, and still trying to deal with a traumatizing event.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Link whispers to himself, and he’s fidgeting with the tablecloth once more, listening to the small sounds coming from Time. “I should be fine, I’m- I’m not the one who died,” he continues, and he covers his eyes with the palm of his left hand. “Aelda is okay now, and I’m okay, I’m not-”

“You survived,” Time says quietly. “You went through something horrible, and saw things that traumatized you. It’s okay to realize you’re not doing as well as you had hoped. It doesn’t make you seem weak, after going through all of that. You’re a warrior, and you survived something horrible.” 

Link swallows. “Aelda didn’t though. I shouldn’t be praised for something she wasn’t able to do.”

“And you shouldn’t be brought down for something you were able to do.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 12th | 3:42pm**

“What uh- what time is Twilight coming home?”

“He’s spending the night at Wild’s, actually.”

“Oh. Would you- do you mind if I stay here for a little while longer then?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 12th | 4:20pm**

They ended up watching television. 

Link wasn’t really sure what they were watching. He’s not sure if this was what Time watched all the time, but he didn’t think to ask questions. It didn’t really matter to him. He was mulling over his thoughts, anyways.

“Hey,” Link says quietly, breaking the silence between the two.

“What’s up?” Time mumbles, momentarily glancing at Link before his attention returns to the television.

Link fiddles with his thumbs for a moment. “Did you mean what you said? About me being a warrior for… still being here after everything?”

“Of course,” Time says, and he decreases the volume of his show. He shifts for a moment. “It’s a remarkable thing. I’m proud of you for being here.”

Link purses his lips. “Thanks Time,” he whispers, pulling his legs up to his chest.

“Mhm.”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 12th | 6:18pm**

“I should probably get going soon.”

“You don’t have to, you know. Twi isn’t coming home until tomorrow.”

“I don’t know, I feel like I’m invading your privacy.”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just watch a movie, yeah?”

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 12th | 10:43pm**

They ended up watching a bunch of movies, back to back. 

Link is, to say the least,  _ tired.  _ Well, more tired than usual.

“Okay,” Link says, smiling softly. “I really should be heading out now.”

“It’s late, yeah,” Time agrees, standing up. He stretches his arms above his head, and Link rolls his eyes. 

“Of course you would know that, you’re like a clock.”

“That’s exactly what I am,” Time jokes. He walks over to the door, and he opens it wide. “Visit against sometime soon. And speak to Twilight at some point soon,” Time says with a frown. “He’s really worried about you.”

Link sighs as he steps out into the hallway. “I know. I’ll… I’ll talk to him soon.”

Time nods quickly. “Good. Have a good night, Warriors,” Time says, and the corner of his lips turn up into a grin.

Link feels his cheeks warm up at the nickname. “You too. Night Time,” he says, waving slightly as he makes his way out of the building. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 13th | 5:13am**

“Angelo, can you bring everything inside? I can’t find my wallet.”

Link glances over at his mother from his seat in his passenger seat, watches as she rummages through her bag, brows furrowed, forehead creased. 

He smiles brightly. “Of course ma.”. 

“Oh, take the keys too,” she says, turning the car off. 

Link nods as he takes the keys from her, the one plastic bag they had swinging from his elbow. They didn’t even buy much of anything, anyways, so it wasn’t much of a hassle. 

Just replaced Link’s old phone with a newer model, and bought Aelda a new art set. 

He grins wide, excitement bubbling in his chest. He knows Aelda’s been wanting new art utensils, so he made sure that he got the one that she’s been saving up for in particular. Link just wanted her to be happy, and this would at least bring her some joy. 

“We’re home!” Link shouts into the house, and he kicks the door so that it’s somewhat closed so no flies came into the house. He begins to take his shoes off, eyes roaming the empty room. The plastic bag was rustling slightly in his attempt, before he finally managed to take his shoes off. “Linkle!?” He shouts once more, walking further into the house. 

He walks down the hallway, placing the car keys in a small bowl that’s placed on a table by the entrance. He runs his fingers over the railing for the stairs as he makes his way to the living room, the bag hanging from his fingertips. “Linkle? Dad?” He shouts once again.

Silence echoes throughout the home. 

Link furrows his brow, and he peaks into the living room.

He spots the back of his fathers head. 

And he sees the blood splatters on their white furniture. 

And his eyes move, move towards the floor, to the side. 

And he knows what to expect, knows what happened here. 

His stomach rolls, and his throat is tight as he covers his mouth, fighting back the urge to puke. 

Link stares at Aelda, at the blood that caked her sweater, and he runs towards her-

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 13th | 5:55am**

When Link awakens, his face is wet with tears, and he feels the remnants of the dream leave him.

He already knows what happened in the dream, knows that in the dream he was just a little bit shorter than he is now, just a little lankier with whiter teeth and better lungs, just a little happier and better off. Back when he was more than just okay. 

Link sits up, the blanket pooling around his waist, and the warmth over his bare chest soon disappears, only leaving goosebumps on his arms in its wake. Link pulls his knee up, resting his elbow on top, as he cups his chin, fingers brushing over his lips, and his throat is tight as he tries to hold back his sobs that wracked his chest.

He turns his head towards his window, trying to ignore how heavy his chest felt. He never bothered to rub the crust out of his eyes, to wipe away the dried up tears. Link didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he was still crying, tears dribbling down his chin.

Link sits there, staring out the window into the dark. 

The sun was going to come up soon.

A new day approaches.

Link wishes that Aelda was here to see another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breonna Taylor was wrongfully murdered 6 months ago. Her murderer is being charged for the shots he missed. Please help by taking action to get the justice that Breonna deserves. 
> 
> No justice, no peace.
> 
> More information found [here.](https://justiceforbreonna.org/)
> 
> [Sign this petition to help bring justice for Breonna.](https://action.justiceforbreonna.org/sign/BreonnaWasEssential/)  
> [A website containing more information and how else you can help Breonna.](https://msha.ke/30flirtyfilm/#top-picks)  
> [The official GoFundMe for Breonna Taylor's family.](https://www.gofundme.com/f/9v4q2-justice-for-breonna-taylor?)  
> [This is the Louisville Community bail fund. Consider donating to help protestors.](https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/louisville-community-bail-fund/)  
> [Another website explaining what happened and providing more links/resources (I grabbed previous links from here).](https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a32477844/breonna-taylor-police-shooting-kentucky/)
> 
> Thank you for reading. Stay safe. 
> 
> ACAB.


	5. i only want the best for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You departed from my sight and entered my thoughts, travelled from my eyes to my heart."  
> \- Al-Abbas Ibn Al-Ahnaf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tell me it's okay to be happy now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md_4-ZaS93s&ab_channel=Alex)

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 15th | 1:34pm**

Link considers getting out of bed, considers going outside, finding Twilight and apologizing to him for what had happened. To make it up to the brunette and make sure that Twilight was just... okay. 

He sighs as he presses his fingertips against his eyelids, his eyes shut tight as he applied more pressure until he saw shapes and colors swirling in front of his eyes, in the inky darkness he saw from behind the curtain of his eyelids. 

Link groans loudly. Fuck he needed to go apologize to Twilight. But Time said the man was with Wild last night and his friend could still be with their Asian friend. 

"What do I do?" He whispers to himself, staring at the ceiling. He stares at the marks and indents that decorate his off white ceiling, stares at the glow in the dark stars that he and Lana had put up when they still lived with each other, when Lana couldn't get enough of him, when he wanted more than she could give. 

Link grabs his pillow, and shoves it over his face. His fingers clench tightly around the pillowcase, and his voice is muffled as he begins to scream. 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 15th | 2:00pm**

Time is, once again, the one to greet him upon his arrival. 

"Is Twilight still not here?" He asks, and he already knows the answer to it before Time could even say anything. He sighs defectively. "Whatever, if he wants to fucking- avoid this, he can. Fuck," Link groans, and he rubs his temples.

Time raises a brow at the other blonde as he opened the door to his apartment wider. "Would you like to come in?" Time didn't move, watching Link carefully.

Link chews on his bottom lip nervously, his tongue darting out to wet chapped lips. "No," he says hesitantly. "Yes. Maybe, I don't know-"

"Just get in."

"Okay-"

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 15th | 2:10pm**

"When is Twi gonna be back?" Link groans, and he hangs his head over the armrest of the couch. 

"Dunno," Time says with a shrug. "Sheik is coming over again, so it's not likely he'll come back today. Or at least right now."

"You deadass said he would be back today though."

"Details, details, it doesn't matter."

Link sighs loudly as he sits up once again. "What're they like?" He asks, glancing at Time. 

Time smiles brightly. "They're amazing," he says. Time looks off at the coffee table, and Link notices the man toying with a small band that was placed over his left ring finger. "We met when I was studying abroad, and we gave each other these promise rings after I went back to Malaysia," he says softly, and Link watches Time turn the ring ever so slightly. "It's been hard, but they're worth it. I love them, and I hope I can spend the rest of my life with them."

_ Link, why are we doing this? _

"Are you happy with them?" Link asks quietly. He turns his body so he's facing Time, his legs crossed uncomfortably on the couch. 

Time hums, and he looks smitten. "I've never been happier."

Link swallows thickly, and forces himself to smile brightly at Time, forces himself to stop thinking about Lana. To stop  _ thinking _ . "That's good to here."

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 15th | 2:30pm**

"I'm going to Cali on the 24th," Link says, breaking the peaceful silence that they had succumbed to. Time hums, and Link watches the man lean forward, the older man rubbing his chin in thought. 

"You better apologize to Twilight before you go, then," Time muses quietly. He taps his chin, before he sits back against the couch with a huff. "He wouldn't take too kindly to you leaving all of a sudden without a word," he says dryly, lips turning down into a frown. 

"I know," Link sighs, pushing his blonde locks back. "It's just... difficult."

"You better figure it out soon then."

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 15th | 4:56pm**

There was a knock at the door, and Link feels anxiety creep up the back of his neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps down his body. His body is stiff, and when he looks down at his hands, his hands are shaking slightly. 

And Link pauses, and actually thinks to himself as he realizes how much of an idiot he had to be to think that Twilight would knock on the door to get into his own damn apartment. It had to be Sheik knocking on the door then. 

Sheik meant an excuse to leave. Sheik meant leaving before Twilight could come home. 

Decisions, decisions, decisions. 

"Should I leave?" Link asks as Time stands up. In the short amount of time he knew the man, he didn't think that he's seen Time smile as brightly as right now. 

"Only if you believe you should," Time says softly, glancing at Link. "I don't want to force you to stay, but I would like if you did. Just for a moment so you can meet Sheik, anyways," Time finishes, scratching the back of his neck. 

Link doesn't comment on how sheepish Time was acting, but sighed in content nonetheless. "I'll stay for ten minutes at most, alright?"

Time made a small cheer to himself as he finally opened the door, allowing Sheik into the space.

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 15th | 2:32pm**

They're pretty. Not his type, but he knows attractive when he sees it. 

Immediately Sheik had hugged Time, giving the man a quick kiss. It wasn't until Sheik pulled back did they noticed Link standing awkwardly in by the couch, trying to figure out what to do with his arms. 

Sheik furrowed their brow for a moment. "And you are..."

"Oh, right, uh-" sounding unsure about who he was. Off to a great start. "Link Arteaga. Time's told me so much about you," he says, smiling brightly at Sheik. Well, Time mentioned Sheik every now and then, not much of anything. He hopes that was the polite thing to say. 

"Hopefully good things," Sheik chuckles.

"Dissing you would be blasphemous," Time grumbles, and Sheik and Link erupt into a small fit of laughter at his comment.

Sheik extends a hand towards Link, and Link hesitates, before gingerly grasping Sheik's hand, shaking it slightly. "I'm Sheik, but seems you already knew that," they say with a laugh, and Link smiles softly. 

"Yeah, Time over here talks about you all the time."

"Really?" Sheik glances up at Time, and the man blushes lightly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Link smiles, and he considers staying longer than he had told Time. But... "I really should be heading home, though," Link says quietly, inching towards the door. Time deflates slightly, and Link feels somewhat guilty for leaving, but the small thought in the back of his head telling him he was invading Time's personal space pushed itself to the front of his head once again. "But I wish I could stay ," he says, wincing slightly. 

Sheik blinked somewhat, looking up at Time, their braid whipping around behind their head for a moment before they sighed. "It was nice to meet you Link. I'm glad I had the chance to meet you."

"Right back at ya," Link says, and he waves at the couple as he made his way out. 

Link doesn't think about the concerned look Sheik had given him before he finally left. 

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 15th | 6:12pm**

The moment Link had gotten home, he took a nap. 

Which turned out to be a mistake. 

It's too quiet in the house. Too much space in the house for one person who could barely take of himself. "You're in way over your head," Link whispers to himself, pulling at his blonde locks. 

He looks over to his dresser, expecting to see his phone plugged in and charged. 

Much to his disappointment, his phone was resting besides his pillow. He wasn't surprised to see his shitty phone dead, even though he was asleep for the past two hours. 

With a sigh, he plugs the phone back in. Might as well get up and just... do something. He wasn't sure.

Maybe go to a bar. Too early for that, though. 

He could try to get in contact with Twilight again, but he didn't feel like today would be the right day to apologize, even though he knew there is no right day for something like that.

Packing. He still needs to pack a suitcase for his trip to California. 

With a grumble, Link rolls onto his other side, glaring daggers into his closet. He felt so tired, despite having just woken up. He stares half lidded as he considers if he should actually get out of bed and be productive. 

The sun is still up, its rays slipping in through his blinds and bathing him in its glow. 

His blanket was warm, providing him the closest he had to comfort at the moment. He blinks slowly, his eyelids wanting to remain shut. With a grunt he rolls over once more back onto his right side, facing the window in his room.

The sun didn't reach his eyes, but he felt himself slowly start to wake up. 

With a grunt, Link threw his blanket to the side, not bothering to fix the sheets as he got out of bed. There should be a suitcase under his bed that he could use. 

Sighing, he glances once more towards his blinds, towards the golden rays that had enwrapped him in its grace. 

The sun would still keep him company for a few more hours. 

Link idly wonders if he would be asleep again before the sun disappears completely for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all remember how i missed last weeks' update? no you dont


	6. and with my egress there is solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I look at you and I dream of snow, I look at you and I await autumn.”  
> -Adonis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [what do I say to make me exist?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HrpmCTD-ik&ab_channel=Labrinth)

**Brooklyn | E 37th St | July 18th | 6:18pm**

Link hasn't heard from Twilight since their argument. It felt like it had happened eons ago, yet it only happened the other day. Time has been pestering him to speak to Twilight, to go over to their apartment and talk to Twilight face to face and formerly apologize. 

He hasn't gotten into an argument with Twilight in years. Mainly because he hasn't actually  _ talked _ to Twilight in years. Their last argument was the reason that Link distanced himself for his childhood friend. 

With a sigh, Link removes the cigarette from in between his lips, exhaling gently. The wisp of smoke travelled upwards, dispersing quickly, staining his walls and his lungs. He ashes the cigarette against the ash train that he placed on the floor, and considers snubbing it out.

His phone buzzes, and he glances at it momentarily. 

Chewing on his bottom lip, Link sits up slowly, smothering the dying embers of his cigarette against the ash tray. 

**Brooklyn | Kings HWY | July 18th | 6:27pm**

Twilight is an asshole for telling him to come over at this time. He never liked transit, that's why he never went out of his way to visit Twilight and Time that much, but he never minded it, always staying for a majority of the day. What he did mind, though, is spending up to three hours on a bus just to have a five minute conversation at Twilight's apartment. 

Link sighs as he glances up at the ceiling of the bus. 

He just hopes that seeing Twilight at this time would make everything better. 

He wishes that he had the nerve to talk to Twilight the day after their argument. 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 18th | 7:54pm**

Anxiety coils around his body, tightening around his neck and arms, and he feels himself freeze in front of Twilight's apartment. 

He knows Twilight is home, knows that Time is out with Sheik. Knows that things could go so  _ so _ wrong if he says the wrong thing.

Did Twilight want him to apologize? Is Twilight angry with him still? Is the brunette still concerned with his safety, still scared of the idea of Link relapsing? 

He grunts, shaking his head slightly. He needs to stop thinking. Needs to knock on the door, needs to see Twilight and apologize for his grievances. He needs to do  _ something _ .

_ You keep pushing me away. _

Breathing in deeply, Link raps his knuckles against the wooden door lightly, just barely enough to make a sound. 

There's a pause, and Link feels like running away. Feels like he needs to get away from here, away from it all. 

And then the door opens, and Twilight is staring down at him, eyes hollow, and arms wrapped around his midsection. 

And Link just  _ knows _ .

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 18th | 8:01pm**

"What happened?" Link whispers once Twilight has ushered him inside and towards the couch. Link refused to sit, instead sitting next to the recliner Twilight is sitting on. 

Twilight sat hunched over, elbows digging into his knees, hands in his hair. Link sits next to Twilight's legs, head against the armchair. He reaches up, and his fingers wrap around Twilight's forearm lightly. "Talk to me."

Twilight swallows thickly, nodding slightly. "There was," he pauses, licking his lips, and Link waits patiently for Twilight to continue, but the man shakes his head, and his shoulders are shaking heavily as his hands move to cover his eyes. 

And it's like they're eighteen again.

It was during visitation when Link had wanted nothing more than to join Aelda, when he could barely talk to anyone through his tears. When all he did was speak to Aelda in hushed whispers that could barely be heard over his harsh sobs. 

Twilight had been the one to grab his hand and told him how shitty it all was. Twilight had been the one to ground him, to remind him of everything, and  _ fuck _ Link was so tired that day, and Twilight did all the talking for him. 

Link squeezes Twilight's forearm. It's his turn to comfort Twilight now.

"Whatever it was," Link starts, "it wasn't your fault." Link wishes he had some sort of idea of what happened. He rarely saw Twilight so distressed, so... out of his element. 

Twilight exhales shakily. "There was a fire," he mumbles, and he brings his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. Link had let go of Twilight's arm momentarily so the brunette could change positions. He wasn't expecting Twilight to grab his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Four, Hyrule, and Wild all live with each other. It was his parent's house. It was an overloaded socket, I don't-" Twilight sucks in a breath. and Link squeezes Twilight's hand. 

"Take as long as you need," Link murmurs, and Twilight nods, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. His eyes are glossy and his cheeks are tear stained. His voice sounded strained. 

Twilight must have been crying for hours. 

"Wild has third degree burns all over his body," he whispers, hiding his eyes from behind his hands. His words are slow and jumbled together, and it sounds like he's barely breathing and he speaks to Link. He's shaking, and he sounds distant, as if he isn't in the room with Link in his apartment. "Four jumped from the second floor, and he has second degree burns, but he's okay for the most part." Twilight pauses, and his breathing is uneven. 

Link feels his stomach drop, and his chest is cold, his body becoming numb. His head is throbbing as he waits for Twilight to continue, but Twilight's hesitation causes Link to shake the brunette's hand gently. "What happened to Hyrule, Twi?" 

"He- he sustained fourth degree burns," Twilight forces out, and Twilight is pushing his hair back and he's staring at Link with tears in his eyes that form constellations as they dribble down his cheek. Twilight heaves forward, pressing his forehead against his knees. "His condition got worse and he's- they put him in a medically induced coma, but it's not- I don't think he's-"

Link sits up, and he's kneeling in front of Twilight as he quickly wraps his arms around Twilight, pulling the man forward and redirecting his head to his shoulder. Twilight sobs, and there are hands on the small of his back, fingers clenched tightly around the fabric of Link's shirt. 

His knees ache, but he pays no mind to it. 

They're older now, and they're not the same as when they were eighteen. 

But this is still all so familiar. Different, yet the same. 

Link murmurs incoherent strings of comfort to Twilight, whispers words of support and affection towards his childhood best friends. 

Twilight sobs loudly against Link's chest, and Link feels lost.

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 18th | 8:47pm**

Link isn't sure how long he's been here, but he knows he isn't going to go anyway with the state that Twilight is in. He thinks about spending the night in Manhattan. It isn't like he has anywhere to go, anyways. 

"Twi?" Link whispers once he's sure Twilight had calmed down a little. There's a small noise, and Link takes that as confirmation that Twilight is still awake and somewhat coherent. "I'm gonna spend the night here, is that okay?" 

Twilight hesitates, and Link almost think Twilight's going to kick him out, but then there's a small nod, and Link sighs with relief. "Okay. I'm gonna sleep on the couch. Is Time staying at Sheik's for the night?" There's a pause. Then another nod. "Alright. We'll deal with that tomorrow. Right now, you need to go to bed," Link says, and he pulls away from Twilight, but his hands remained on the brunette's shoulder. 

"I'm not a child, Captain," Twilight grumbles, wiping his eyes. "I don't need a fucking bedtime."

"Tough titties," Link says, and he smiles brightly when Twilight snorts. "Seriously though, you've been crying for awhile. You need to rest."

"Fine, but not because you said so."

"Uh huh, yeah, keep telling yourself that."

Twilight shakes his head, and stands up. He looks down at Link, and the silence between them stretches on. Link swallows, watching as Twilight glances at the hall where his bedroom is, before the man decides to crouch down until he was at the same height Link is kneeling at. His eyes are red and bloodshot, and Link thinks that if the situation had been worse, Twilight would have cried so much he would pop a blood vessel in his eye. "Do you need something?" Link whispers. He can't help but think about the last time they were in this position, with Link sitting on the floor, Twilight crouched next to him. It was in CVS when they were 19, and Link pushed Twilight over, leaving the two in a fit of giggles.

Twilight blinks at Link for a moment. "You know I'm not mad at you, right?" He says quietly. 

Link thins his lips. "You don't need to lie to me Twi, I know you."

"And I know you too," Twilight sighs. He scratches the top of his head, before he brushes away stray tears. "I get why you didn't talk to me after our argument. I wasn't respecting your boundaries."

"It's..." Link pauses, trying to find the right words. It isn't okay, Link knew that. Twilight had pushed his boundaries so many times the past few years, had attempted to get Link to talk about his baggage whenever he saw fit, even if Link obviously wasn't up for it. The last time is no different. "It's okay," he says, glancing down at the carpeted floor. "It's fine. Please don't apologize, Twi."

Twilight sighs, clearly wanting to argue with Link, but instead just leans forward, encasing Link in a hug. 

Link blinks confusedly as he realizes that he hadn't reciprocated the hug yet. He pats Twilight's back, and murmurs something sweet in the brunette's ear that causes the man to lean back. 

"If you're not here in the morning, I'm disowning you," Twilight deadpans, and Link laughs loudly at the comment. 

And Link feels serene when he sees the wide smile that spread across Twilight's face.

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 20th | 10:15am**

Link ended up staying at Twilight's apartment for two more days. 

His flight to California is coming up. He told Time about it when the man came home the previous day, but he had yet to Twilight. 

The brunette is already dealing with enough stuff on his plate. Twilight's been visiting Hyrule and Wild at the hospital and Link just... didn't know when to tell the man about his trip to California. 

Link wonders how Twilight would feel if he just left. 

**Manhattan | Golden Gate Apartments | July 20th | 2:32pm**

"I'm gonna go home now, okay?"

"Why?" Twilight says, glancing over to Link. 

"I'm going to Cali in a couple days to visit my mom," Link says casually, but his heart pumps loudly in his ears, beating roughly against his ribcage. "She says she has a surprise for me." 

Twilight nods. "Tell her I said hi," he grins, and Link sighs loudly in relief, eliciting a small laugh from Twilight. 

"And you'll be okay without me here to support you?" 

"You'll be back soon anyways," Twilight says, shrugging. "I think... I think I'll be okay. I still have Time, Four, and Legend, remember?" 

Link smiles softly. "Yeah, you do. Take care of them, yeah?"

Twilight smiles brightly at Link. "You know I will."

"Good."

Link stands, and Twilight follows suit as the embrace each other in a quick hug. It goes unspoken, yet the two know how much they love each other. They've known each other for years. 

Link is reluctant to pull away. 

He wants to tell Twilight he'll be back soon, but he isn't sure if he would, depending on what his mother had in store. 

He smiles at Twilight once more before making his way out of the apartment. 

And he glances at the closed door once more, and Link wishes for nothing but the best for Twilight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i relapsed into my bad coping mechanisms recently. i'll be okay though. if you liked the chapter or just the story in general, i would really appreciate a comment or smth


	7. you promised us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My temptations in your eyes, And the cities of your grief…”  
> -Ibrahim el-Kahwaji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I may not be as honest as I ought to be, now that, when the walls go up, I said it didn't worry me, but it hit me like an arrow.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eI2c-Nrgsko&ab_channel=tameimpalaVEVO)

**Brooklyn | Quaker Cemetery | July 22nd | 1:28pm**

He’s here again. No matter what he does, he always ends up back here. 

It is raining. That isn’t a surprise. It had been storming for the past couple of days, thunder booming in his eardrums and lightning flashing in the distance. Weather reports said it would clear up in a few days. 

He won’t be here in a few days, though. 

“Hey,” Link whispers, crouching down. He swallows the lump in his throat as he wipes his eyes. “Ciao, Aelda.” He studies the gravestone, and his vision blurs. 

**In Loving Memory of Aelda Arteaga**

**A beautiful and blessed daughter and sister**

**Always Loving and Always Loved**

**February 14, 1998 - May 18th, 2014**

He touches the gravestone, feels the granite beneath his fingertips, feels the curve of the ‘g’ in their last name. Link drops his hand, and he brushes his hair back, listening to the harsh drops of rain against his umbrella. “How’ve you been, Gunner Linkle?” He does a mock salute with his free hand, and he sniffles. “It’s been okay on this side from your Captain. Still never understood why you wanted my name, but I kinda miss arguing with you about it,” he says. He feels an ache in his ankles from his position, and he shifts slightly, to ease the ache. 

“I’m gonna be visiting Ma for a couple months, like usual. She says she has a surprise for us,” Link smiles, and laughs quietly. “Well, she said just a surprise for _me_ , but I know you’ll be there, too,” he says quietly, tilting his head. 

There’s a quiet rumble in the background that Link dully notes. “I should probably go soon,” Link whispers, and he stands up slowly, his knees cracking and ache in his ankles worsening, but falling into a dull, numb feeling in the back of his head. “Sounds like the storm.” He sighs, and rubs his eyes once more with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Ciao, Aelda. I love you. I’ll come back as soon as I can.” 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 24th | 11:47pm**

Fuck, he’s tired. 

The flight was exhausting and he barely slept, and the drive from Los Angeles to Lafayette was even more exhausting, especially with the traffic and the fact that he couldn’t just do anything. Link is just happy to pull into the driveway of his mother’s home and just lay down and actually sleep. 

The GPS was annoying throughout the trip, and getting the rental car was also very annoying. 

He brings a hand up to his mouth, stifling a yawn as he turns the car off, watching as the headlights turn off. 

Exiting the car, he stretches, the pop in his joints and crack in his bones loosening him up quickly. He thins his lips, debating on whether or not he should bring his suitcase in. More work for tomorrow him. He’s tired as shit. 

On the other hand, he wants to smoke a cigarette, even though he just finished one. Link groans as he looks up at the sky. “Mmmm, fuck it, fine, whatever,” Link grumbles to himself. 

He lights the cigarette, inhaling deeply. He visibly relaxes once the nicotine enters his system. Link flicks some of the ash off of the cigarette as he takes another puff, before he pops the trunk open, the cigarette held loosely in between his lips as he pulls the suitcase out. 

Pulling his phone out, he checked his messages from his mother as he grabbed the cigarette out of his mouth, blowing smoke out between parted lips as he leans on the car, suitcase next to him.

**Ma**

_Hello mi angelo, hope you had_

_safe trip! Here is passcode in_

_case <3 051814 _

Pursing his lips, Link puts his phone away. Taking one last huff of his cigarette, he flicks the remaining embers of the cigarette onto the driveway, before he throws what was left of the stick onto the ground, snuffing it out with the toe of his shoe. 

Dragging his suitcase behind him, he makes his way to the front door, blinking the sleep away from his eyes. He fumbles in trying to put in the passcode at first, but he manages to get it on the second attempt. Of course he remembers the passcode, though. He would never forget. 

“Son of a fuckin-” he curses quietly, almost tripping as he entered. Link looks around warily, hoping he didn’t wake up his mother. He knows she is only in her fifties and everything, but he doesn’t blame her for going to bed early. 

Slipping his shoes off, he left the suitcase by the door, planning to take care of it after he ate something. Fuck, he hasn’t eaten anything in a few hours, either. Damn his stomach for not reminding him that he hasn’t eaten all day. 

Looking through the fridge, he bites his lip. There is… a lot of food. A lot more than a single Italian woman should be making for herself. He shrugs, and pulls… something out, fuck if he knows what it is. 

Link looks through the cupboards, vaguely remembering where the plates used to be. Once he gets one out, he puts whatever he found on the plate, and begins to eat it cold, not bothering to heat it up in the microwave. 

He leans against the counter, scrolling through his phone in between text messages with Ghirahim and taking small bites of his meal, when he hears footsteps. They are lighter than his mom's footsteps typically were. 

Swallowing lightly, he tries to make his steps as light as possible as he makes his way to the knife rack, brandishing the first knife he got his hands on. Which is just a regular knife, but it’ll do for now. 

Crouching low, he ignores the chimes from his phone in his back pocket, listening as the intruder got closer and closer to where Link was hiding behind the counter. He tries to control his breathing, but he can’t stop his heart from beating rapidly in his ears.

It’s a fucking kid. 

Messy blonde hair, blue shirt, ugly orange shorts. The kid opens the fridge, yawning as he tries to find something. 

Link squeezes the handle of the knife, before he puts it on the floor gently, careful not to make a sound, before he makes his way towards the kid. When he is a good distance away, he jumps up. Link slides his arm around the kid’s neck, grabbing onto his bicep as he uses his free hand to grab onto the kid’s head to prevent him from headbutting his face. 

“What the fuck!” The kid shouts, kicking as he tries to push back against Link, and Link grunts at the force as the kid claws at his arms. “Help!” He screams, and Link pushes on his head. 

“Who the _hell_ are you,” Link hisses into the kid’s ear, wincing from all the scratches that the kid leaves on his arm. 

“ _Me!?_ Who the hell are _you_!?” He yells, stomping on Link’s toes. He hisses, whining but he didn’t release his hold on the kid.

There is the sound of running from the hallway before the light suddenly turn on, and Link immediately notices his mother. “Ma-”

“Mi angelo!” His mom covers her mouth, and Link loosens his hold on the kid when he notices the old lady and the little girl trailing behind her. “Oh, Link! Why didn’t you tell me you were here!” She shouts, and the kid breaks from his hold, gasping as he stumbles over to the old lady.

Link furrows his brow as he thins his lips. “Ma,” he starts, eyes glossing over the little girl, the kid, and the elderly woman once more. “What… what is all this.”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 25th | 12:02am**

Everyone is awake, and Link is still tired as all hell. 

The elderly woman, who he learns is named Anadia and the grandmother of the two kids, makes tea for them, which he politely declines. His skin itches, and he wants nothing more than to just go back home in Brooklyn and just hide away behind cigarette smoke and sex. 

“You’re dating,” he says bluntly, blinking at his mother. “You’re dating someone, who has kids, and you didn’t even tell me.” Link swallows the lump in his throat and stares at the kids.

_Older brother and younger sister._

It is so common, yet it struck a chord in Link’s heartstrings. He feels like he is being played. This had to be a joke, a prank. This isn’t real. It can’t be real. No way it is real. It isn’t like his nicotine addiction or his grief, things that impact his mind and body on a daily basis, things that are a daily reminder that he is, unfortunately, real. 

His mother wouldn’t have done this. This is all fake, a dream, maybe. A dream, like when he thinks that he and a partner could have worked out, a dream when he thinks that he’s worth more than what he does under the covers with another body. A dream where he wakes up crying when he’s hit with the harsh reality that Aelda isn’t here anymore. 

Right. This is all a dream. If it isn’t, he isn’t sure he’d be able to handle it. 

“We’ve been together for over a year,” his mother says as she grabs Anadia’s hand. Link can’t help but think about how tender they hold each other, and how much of a difference it was when Link’s father would grip her hand in a lock, trapping her by his side. This is… this is soft, and heartfelt. “I wanted her to move in, and I thought now would be a good time to tell you since you were visiting.”

Link sighs as he rubs his forehead. “Are you happy?” He asks quietly, glancing down at the floor. He’s too aware of the people here, too aware of the two siblings in the room that don’t know how much he wishes he had what they had. Too aware of the itch under his skin, too aware of how his chest burns and his heart aches along with the drum of his headache. 

“Yes, yes I am, mi angelo.”

“Then I’m happy for you,” he whispers, standing up. He stifles a yawn as he rubs his eyes. “I just wished you told me before I got here, so that I can prepare myself for-” he pauses, and his eyes dart over to the young girl, who’s name is Aryll.

Aelda would’ve liked Aryll. 

His mother sighs, and Link feels his eyes tear up as he yawns once more. “I’m sorry Link. I know how hard it can be.”

The boy, Wind, scoffs. “Nothing’s ever hard enough that warrants a choke hold,” he grumbles, and Link rolls his eyes.

“Sorry for thinking you’re an intruder when you dress like you just finished dumpster diving with a fit that ugly.” Link’s lips turn down into a frown once more as he eyed Wind’s outfit. “Even if it’s just sleepwear.”

“Angelo, be nice.”

“Sorry. Where am I sleeping, Ma?” He asks, and he scratches his wrist, already expecting the answer. 

“On the couch.” His mother stood up, and placed her hands on his cheeks, pulling his head down to press a kiss against the top of his forehead. “It’ll be okay, Link,” she whispers against his forehead. 

_No it won’t_. “I know,” he whispers back, stepping away. “Can I sleep now, then?” He asks, looking towards the other members of this… family. “I’m exhausted.”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 25th | 1:03pm**

“Hurry up now Swabbie Wind! Clean the deck!” 

“Why am _I_ the swabbie, I’m older than you-”

“No back talking your captain!”

Link was starting to miss the silence of his own home, and is increasingly getting more annoyed at the fact that his mother’s home isn’t going to contain the same serenity that it used to have. 

“You could’ve made me first mate!”

“Attitude like that is why you’re a swabbie.”

 _Why_ the hell are the kids even playing when he is obviously asleep on the couch. He turns over onto his side, so he is facing the open space of the living room instead of the couch, and opens his eyes, squinting when the blinding light of the sun reaches his vision. 

There is a pause in the ruckus. “Is the gunner awake?”

“Looks like it,” Wind says.

Link rubs his eyes as he sits up, the blanket pooling at his waist. “Woah, you have an ocean on your arm,” Aryll says, poking at his right forearm. “And a heartbeat on your chest,” she moves her focus from his arm to his chest, poking at the tattoo above his right collarbone. 

“It’s a tattoo, Aryll,” Wind scoffs, though he is staring at Link’s tattoo as well. His focus is still on the wave, that has a date below it with a black band underneath it going around his arm. “Why do you have our door passcode as a tattoo? And why flowers?” He pokes the flower tattoos on Link’s left arm, and he frowns. 

“Bug off, kid,” Link grunts, pulling the blanket up to cover his bare chest. Sleeping with his shirt off was a mistake, but it is his fault for assuming he would get up early enough to shower and change before anyone else woke up. “And I happen to like flowers, to answer your question.” It is a basic, black and white floral half sleeve. It covers his shoulder and upper arm, stopping just above his elbow, and a small bit of it branches off onto his chest, a small leaf ending just above his pectorals.

Wind scrunches his nose up as he backs off, and Aryll frowns when Link pulls the blanket up to cover his chest. He doesn’t need kids staring at his ink. Sighing, he rubs his forehead, leaning over the side of the couch, looking for where he threw his hoodie and tank top aside last night. 

“Hey, ugly children,” Link says, looking around the room. “What’d you do with my clothes?”

“We used it for our ship,” Aryll says, pointing to where it was tied to a stick that was tucked into the cushions of the nearby recliner. “I’m Captain Aryll!” She puts her hands on her hips, standing proudly by the chair. “And Wind was my quartermaster, but he backtalked me and now he’s the squabbie.”

“I shouldn’t have to be a squabbie!”

“Oh my god, _please_ shut up,” Link groans. He sighs as he squeezes his eyes shut, debating internally whether he should just go back to bed or just get up. Wind continues to play with Aryll, and Link rubs his forehead.

Standing up, he lets the blanket fall to the ground not bothering to comment when he notices Aryll staring at his tattoos once more. The itch under his skin is strong, and he considers going outside to smoke real quick, but the need to shower and get changed is stronger, for once. 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 25th | 1:38pm**

When Link gets out of the bathroom after showering, drying his hair, and getting changed, he hears his mother and Anadia in the kitchen. 

Checking himself in the mirror, he considers for a brief moment if he should send Ghirahim a picture. Then again, Ghirahim is just his boy toy. Link considers if a tank top and high waisted shorts would be fine for the Californian heat, but he is too tired to change, anyways. 

“Mi angelo!” 

“Yeah ma!?” Link shouts, closing the door behind him. 

“Can you go to the grocery store?” She asks as Link steps into the kitchen. She and Anadia are looking through the fridge and cabinets. He can hear Aryll and Wind still playing in the other room. 

“Sure thing,” he nods, scratching the back of his head. “Got a list?”

“I texted it to you.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a bit then,” Link says, grabbing his wallet and keys. He is in the middle of tying his shoes when Wind comes up to him, his arms crossed. Link raises a brow. “Can I help you?”

“Grandma’s forcing me to go,” Wind grumbles. He is already wearing his shoes. 

Link sighs. “Don’t get on my nerves. Come on.” 

**Lafayette | Whole Foods Market | July 25th | 3:02pm**

"Holy shit, it’s Tetra, be cool.”

Link furrows his brow as he holds up a couple of limes. “Am I not cool?”

“You’re an old man! You were never cool!” Wind whisper-shouts at Link.

“Oh, so you want me to act like an old man?” Link grins, starting to slouch his back slightly, before he laughs loudly when Wind punches his arm harshly, and he straightens up. “Jeez, alright, alright!” He laughs as Wind stops punching him. Link squeezes the lime gently, setting it down when it didn’t feel right. 

“You’re so annoying,” Wind sighs, crossing his arms, though he is obviously glancing at Tetra. Link felt his anxiety coil in his chest at what Wind is doing, and sighs. 

“Just go talk to her, or you’re gonna creep them out if they catch you staring,” he says quietly, nudging Wind lightly with his elbow. 

“It’d be awkward if I did, though!” Wind complains, leaning against the produce. Link frowns. “We’re teenagers! No reason for teens to be walking up to each other in a grocery store,” he says dejectedly, looking towards Tetra once more. She was talking to who Link presumes to be her father. Wind’s eyes widen slightly, before he looks up at Link with a twinkle in his eye. “Hey, Link… wanna do me a favor?”

“Depends,” Link grumbles, picking up another lime. He squeezes it, before putting it in a bag with the rest of the limes, and placing it in the basket hanging off of his elbow. “What’s the favor?”

“Flirt with Tetra’s dad.”

“Are you _crazy_ , I’m not gonna flirt with her father cause you can’t keep it in your pants.”

“ _Hey_ .” Wind points a finger at Link, his eyes narrow. “You owe me for putting me in a chokehold last night and threatening me in my own _home_.”

Link purses his lips. “You’re using that against me even though you knew I didn’t know you existed.”

“Yep,” Wind says, popping the ‘p’. He grins. 

“You-” Link points at Wind, as he slowly makes his way towards Tetra’s father, Wind trailing behind him. “Are a little shit,” he finishes quietly. 

**Lafayette | Whole Foods Market | July 25th | 3:05pm**

Tetra’s father is… intimidating. 

Link can see what he assumes to be ink on the man’s chest. His v-neck is _very_ fitting though, and Link couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious about how tiny he is in comparison. This dude worked out, that’s for sure. 

They’re also inspecting oranges. Fun.

Wind shoots Link a quick smile as he goes off to talk to Tetra, who is a little further down. He sees Wind point at him, and Tetra glances at him. Great, he should probably start fake-flirting.

“Hey,” Link smiles softly, placing a hand on the man’s arm. The man looks down at him, but doesn’t shrug his hand off. Great. “Couldn’t help but see you over here, and I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner sometime?” Link winces internally at the unwavering expression from the man. Not going so great, then. “If you swing that way, of course,” he says, dropping his arm. 

The man blinks a couple of times. “Do you have a place in mind?” He asks, looking Link up and down. 

Link shifts from one foot to the other as he rubs the back of his neck. “I’m just visiting for a couple of months. I don’t really know any places that are good for a date.” Link drops his hand, and holds them behind his back.

“Here, let me see your phone for a second, I’ll text you the details.”

Nodding, Link pulls his phone out, and opens his contacts list. His _very_ short contacts list. Swallowing, he clicks the plus button, before handing his phone to the man.

The blonde stands there as the man puts in his information, as well as taking a photo of himself, and Link hears a chime from the man’s phone before handing Link’s phone back to hime. “Thank you,” Link says, pocketing his phone after seeing the man’s name. _Gonzo_. “I’m Link, by the way.”

“Gonzo,” the man says, nodding. 

“I’ll see you later then?” Link says, backing up slightly.

“Of course. Bye Link.”

“Bye Gonzo.” Link smiles, waving slightly, before he glances to where Wind and Tetra are. Tetra is laughing about something, and Wind looks very proud. “Come on Wind, let’s go!”

**Lafayette | Whole Foods Market | July 25th | 3:20pm**

"I have a date now because of you, I hope you know that.”

“I was the one who was supposed to get a date, not you.”

“Well, sucks to be you then, huh?”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 25th | 8:41pm**

Dinner is uneventful. 

Everyone at the home is happy and smiling despite everything. 

Despite the fact that the way Aryll and Wind interact is reminiscent of how Link and Aelda had. Seeing how happy his mother is, despite everything that happened with his father, and the lack of his sister in their life. She is so happy now, and Link is glad with how happy she is with Wind’s grandmother. But Link can’t feel the same as her. 

He doesn’t want to feel happy without Aelda in his life.

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 25th | 11:11pm**

Link isn’t religious.

He used to, though. Used to follow the words of the lord while seated in the filled pews, used to go every Sunday with his family, like he should. Used to make sure he was without sin. Like he should. 

When he became a young teen and began thinking for himself, he grew out of religion. Grew too big for the pews, too big for life, too big for himself. Link grew full himself at that point and stopped believing, despite his parents’ displeasure in the fact. But they couldn’t do anything about it. He was in control of his life. Link was in control, always, even though he was dancing on his toes from how high up his arms were from being held by the puppet strings tied around his wrists. 

Link isn’t religious. 

When Aelda died, he started going back to church. Started praying, started begging for answers, asking why the tragedy had to happen, why it had to be Aelda when it should’ve been him instead. When Link felt lost, when he felt the strings tighten around his wrist, he was dragged to church, where he would try to rekindle his faith.

He never did, though. 

Whenever Link would go to church, he would spend his time in the confessional booths. _Forgive me, Father_ , he would beg in between breaths. _Help me or ruin me, whatever you desire_ , Link would cry, eyes shut as his Father listened to his pleas. _I just want her back. I need her back,_ he would whisper. _Please give her back_.

Everyone is asleep. 

And Link breaths in.

Link isn’t religious. But the strings always brought him back here, no matter how little he believed in the religion. 

“Lord have mercy on me,” he whispers, clasping his hands together in front of him. He ducks his head. Link knows that it isn’t appropriate for him to be saying this outside of a confessional booth, but he can’t keep going on like this. The guilt swimming around his gut from having a little sister again, from being happy with his mother and the family she found for herself. “Do not look upon my sins, but take away all my guilt.” Link thinks he hears the sound of skittering feet from the kitchen, but he puts his mind back on the task at hand. “Create in me a clean heart, and renew within me an upright spirit.”

He swallows the lump in his throat as he drops his hands. 

“Amen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Collar tattoo.](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/yAwY253XfcGxfraLPW0zWVdsG7XUq0Qfj7tvsIqydaF-wkGdhUANN2xO9yATb9gFmg9G0TNRh5Qco1Zx5uVaonBO_sbPBoI4PqCRJz_a=s635)
> 
> [Tattoo branching off of sleeve.](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/TyPGEgEio7snU8FZnK4dFOrgaoqip7ttxqKNCGipdXLaOlfQl8YflC2dlE62mIylh6AMXtoXeRC6sVl3qw26GVkrH2fnoUxrghpvLGID1w=s1350)
> 
> [Font for date tattoo underneath wave tattoo.](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/O83hPXXsCM_oBWaFLd2TSVknARerse_mNrnYeSlOP9X51W5kGRP-EgzcW_1T3lnO9Sf-RbJqaL2fNnh9MAOjWGs8-LW34ADNWTizwsxT=s597)
> 
> [Wave tattoo.](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/oRPj-f7U1nHmsZm7n2J4zCR9rM16xE81vCBXlK4t03t_vtliDhEwtgsZ9H2QZalaUtXc5ctm8XZwvQPln29dYAVrEy12z-Qu4Qwniedn=s703)
> 
> [Sleeve tattoo.](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ajD-QJHmy9J9kiJX4cKqZk4wpFvj9PvNqlpC4x0oHq-GMBvxrIqMUU_0JbOvYYb-q4teBPH18VZidWxrSFJe1KWc8x3abf0WZkeThCQr=s1334)


	8. what more could i lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your lip the first disaster.”  
> -Emad Fouad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [you're the honey whiskey, I'm getting kinda tipsy, you know all the things I like.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFAfeI42d5w&ab_channel=AlinaBaraz)

**Lafayette | Vino Restaurant | July 30th | 7:30pm**

Link hasn't been on a date... ever. 

Okay, that’s a lie. The last time he went on a date was with Ravio a few months ago, but he didn't really  _ count _ it, for whatever reason. Maybe because he got kicked out and it hurt his pride, but either way, he hasn't been on a date in awhile. 

He didn't even want to go on a date in California when he was going to go back to New York in a couple of months. But it's not like he would stand Gonzo up. Link may be an asshole, but he isn't that kind of an asshole. 

The restaurant is small. Great. He feels underdressed in his sweater and jeans at first, but it is fitting for the date. Link already has a table and is sipping some water. There is wine all over the place, which makes Link want to crawl into a hole. He hasn't touched alcohol for a little under a year, and he is hoping for it to stay that way. 

"Is there anything we can get you while you wait for your date?" The waiter asks, holding a small notebook. 

Link sighs as he pushes his hair back. "No, it's fine. I'm good."

"Are you sure?" She asks, lowering her notebook slightly. "The caprese salad is pretty good."

His stomach rolls over at the thought of eating. Link forces a smile. "It's okay- just a refill of water will be okay." His eyes flick towards a bottle of wine for a moment, before he glances back at the waiter. He licks his lips. "Yeah, that'll be it, thank you."

"I'll be right back with that refill, sir."

Nodding, Link leans back into his seat, his head buzzing slightly. He barely focuses on his surroundings, so when Gonzo pulls a seat out and sits down, Link jumps, his heartbeat picking up quickly. "Woah!" Gonzo laughs, raising his hands up slightly. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Link relaxes against his chair, his hand over his chest. "You scared the shit out of me," he says, closing his eyes slightly as he catches his breath, before he leans forward, smiling lightly. "I'm glad that you showed up. I was getting worried there for a second."

Gonzo furrows his brow. "I wouldn't stand you up for a date that  _ I _ organized," Gonzo says, picking up the menu. "Did you order already?"

"Nah, was just drinking water," Link says. Despite drinking all that water, his throat feels dry. "What do you plan on getting?"

"I'm stuck between the flat iron steak and the roasted salmon," Gonzo says with a hum as he strokes his chin. Link can't help his eyes darting down to Gonzo's chest, inspecting his tattoo more thoroughly. It is just a swirl. Link wonders if there was more to it underneath his shirt. "What are you gonna get?"

"Uhm," Link glances at the menu for a moment, glossing over everything. "The linguine," he says quietly, scratching the back of his neck. "Do you normally come here?"

"No, my friend Niko recommended it to me not too long ago, though. I think I'll get the salmon." 

"Good choice." This is...  _ very _ plain. Not that Link is complaining that he was able to snag a date so fast, but the conversation lulls to a stop, leaving them in silence. 

After they ordered their food, Gonzo sticking with his decision on the salmon, Link taps on the table quietly. "Soo, any children?" He asks, raising his brow. 

Gonzo immediately grins. "I have a girl named Tetra, she's fourteen. I think your kid was talking to her yesterday when you came up to talk to me?" He says, laughing a little bit. "She said he was funny, but that he was kind of a dope as well."

Link blinks for a moment, before it dawns on him. "Oh, no no no, sorry, Wind- that's his name- he isn't my son," he says, laughing awkwardly. "He's my step brother."

"Oh!" Gonzo has a surprised look on his face. "You two looked so similar, I was sure that you were related in some way." 

The idea of Wind being related to him makes Link want to cut himself off from the bloodline. "Aha, no, no we're not. He's just the grandkid of the woman my mom is dating. I think I should technically be his uncle, but it's easier to say he's my step brother," Link explains with a shrug. 

Before the man has a chance to respond, the waiter steps up, steaming hot plates in hand. "Here's your roasted salmon and linguine," she says, placing the meals in front of the respective person. "Please enjoy- if you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you," Link and Gonzo say at the same time. 

"So," Gonzo starts, taking a bite of the salmon. "What do you do for work?"

_ Rely off of my dad's life insurance and my uncle's old house _ , he thinks, and he scratches his thigh. "When I lived in Zeeland for a couple of months I worked at Gentex, but since I went back to Brooklyn I've been working as a barista at Starbucks." Link is slightly embarrassed to admit that while he could've gone to college, he didn't. Couldn't with the state he is in.

"Oh shit, that's kind of cool," Gonzo says, before taking another bite. He chews in thought for a moment, before swallowing. "Do you know how to make those, uh, fancy drinks?"

"A frappe?"

"Yeah!" Gonzo points his fork at Link as he grins. "Those are my favorite."

Link swallows down his food. "I could- I could make one for you, sometimes."

"Really!?" Gonzo says, covering his mouth when he spoke before he was done chewing. "That'll be amazing!" 

"I'm assuming that that means there's gonna be another date?" Link asks with a tilt of his head. 

Gonzo hums, before nodding his head.

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 30th | 9:20pm**

The date ended up better than expected. 

Link is happy with the turnout. Wind, not so much. 

"When I said 'flirt with Tetra's dad' I meant, you know, just idle flirting, not going on a date and starting to date!" Wind shouts, gesturing wildly. 

Link throws his arms up. "Well I flirted! You know, like an adult, which typically entails going on a  _ date _ ."

"Well, why couldn't you have said he had an ugly tattoo or something?" Wind grumbles, crossing his arms. 

Link rolls his eyes. "Because I happen to like his tattoo? You're like five, sit down," Link says, sitting down on the couch. Which is  _ technically _ like his bed since that was where he was going to sleep for the remainder of his visit. 

Wind sits down on the floor in front of the couch, still grumbling to himself as Link turns the tv on, flipping mindlessly through channels. "It's gonna be awkward when Tetra and I start dating and you're dating her dad."

"Well, guess you gotta get your girl before we decide to be serious," Link says, settling on just watching the news. Granted, he never really watches the news, and he doubts ABC News is a reliable source, but they’re just talking about some youtuber getting demonetized. So, nothing new that has a significant impact on him, but entertaining enough to watch. "Besides, what if Tetra's a lesbian? You're just a kid, anyways." Link lies down, placing his arm behind his head as a makeshift pillow as he lets his leg fall off the couch so he could kick at Wind's shoulder. 

"Get your nasty ass feet out of my face!" Wind exclaims, before he grabs Link's ankle, yanking on his leg as he tickles Link's feet. 

"You  _ bitch _ -" Link screams, before falling into a fit of laughter. He kicks at Wind harshly to get the teenager to let him go, which, thankfully, he does. Link brings his legs up to his chest with a huff. "I hate you."

"You love me."

"I just met you!"

"And you love me already!" Wind laughs, hitting the couch. His laughter dies down for a moment, before he looks back up at Link. "Seriously, though. You don't even live here. Don't you think it's mean to do that to him?"

Link sighs as he rests his head on his knees, eyes focused on the television. "It's adult stuff, Wind, you wouldn't get it."

"Bullshit, just admit it."

"Alright, fine, it's mean to do that to him because I live in New York," Link picks at the cushions of the couch, avoiding Wind's gaze. "He's just different then most of the people I've... been with." The only relationship he could think of that was different than everyone else was Lana, but even she left. They were too obsessed with each other. It was good that she ended up leaving. 

Wind frowns. "So you think some random guy in Cali is gonna be your prince or some bullshit?"

"Watch your mouth, I don't need your grandma yelling at me cause she thinks you're taking after me."

"Stop avoiding the question."

"Just,  _ ugh _ , you're not my therapist, pipsqueak," Link grunts, leaning towards Wind so he could slap the back of the teen's head. 

"Ow," Wind mumbles, rubbing the back of his head. "You have a therapist?"

"No, I don't need one, but my point still stands." Link sits up, bringing one leg up as he wraps his arms around the limb. "New York is different from California. At least, I think it is, anyways." New York is a hazy dream filled to the brim of nicotine, sex, and grief. The times he goes to California he feels like he's about to wake up.

He never truly does wake up from the dream, though. 

"You can't just date the guy then leave, Link," Wind says with a frown. He moves to sit up on the couch with Link, leaning against the arm rest. "That's unfair- to hurt people like that ‘cause the people back home are assholes."

"I didn't say they were assholes-"

"It was  _ implied _ ."

"This is so manipulative," Link sighs, backing up against the other armrest. He tries to curl in on himself in hope that he can just disappear. "Are you seriously trying to guilt trip me into not getting with Gonzo because you want to fuck his daughter?"

"I'm not trying to-" Wind gives a loud shout in frustration. "No, I don't want to do that. You're just disgusting," he scowls, pointing an accusing finger at Link. "That wasn't why I did that. You like Gonzo, right?"

"I guess." Link isn't exactly sure  _ how _ he feels about Gonzo. 

"Then why are you going to do something that'll end up hurting him later?"

Link swallows the lump in his throat. He’s itchy. Itching for something. "I'm going outside."

"You can't run from this," Wind says, glaring at Link as the man stood up. Link pats his pockets making sure that his cigarettes and lighter are still there. 

"I'm not," Link says. His fingers twitch slightly, and he scratches at his arms. "If you wanna continue the conversation then come on, otherwise shut up for a bit." Link jerks his head up, indicating for Wind to follow him. 

Link isn't really paying attention to see if Wind decides to go outside with him or not, but when he hears soft footsteps behind him, he can't help but sigh internally. 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 30th | 9:34pm**

Wind is coughing. 

"I told you not to stand so close to me," Link says, blowing smoke out of his mouth. The taste of the cigarette is gross, but at least he doesn't feel like he needs it anymore. Wind crouches next to him. Link stands in front of the garage, and Wind  _ was _ standing next to him, albeit a little too close. Apparently the ground is a better alternative than just walking a few feet away from Link. 

"Shut up," Wind grunts in between coughs. When he finally stops seconds later, he sighs loudly. "What the fuck is even  _ wrong _ with you? Like, why do you do... that?" Wind gestures to Link's cigarette, before gesturing to the entirety of him.

"Trauma," Link answers, flicking some ash off. "That's basically it."

"So?"

"So what?"

"My sister got kidnapped and you don't see me ruining my health over it."

_ Because she's not dead like Aelda. _ "You're a kid, you don't even have access to this kind of shit," Link says, finishing the rest of the cigarette. He throws the butt to the ground, snuffing it out with his heel. 

"Yeah I do," Wind says, looking up at Link. "Some guys at school want me to do that stuff with them, but I say no cause I actually have control over myself, unlike someone."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Link whispers, pulling another cigarette out of his box. He knows he said  _ just one _ but it's always just one. Just one cigarette, just one sip, just one partner, just one night to take everything away from him. "Besides, Aryll is safe now. She's fine."

Link doesn't even remember what it was like before Aelda died. 

"Do you just like," Wind waves his hand as he tries to find his words, "try to do shit like this to make yourself feel better about everything? Like, you know?"

Link frowns. "Everything you just said made no sense whatsoever."

"Ugh." Wind drags his hand down his face. "Okay, so like, you went through some 'super angsty traumatizing' stuff, apparently, and you just got here a few days ago, met a man because I told you to flirt with him, and now you're considering dating him."

"Is there a point to this?"

"Do you genuinely  _ like _ him, or are you just using him so you can feel better about yourself?"

_ You always do this shit, Link. _

Link stiffens, and he squeezes a little too hard on his cigarette, the tobacco and paper snapping in his hands. He looks at it, disgusted, before throwing it to the ground. Just like he always does.

_ Link, why are we doing this? _

"Go inside, kid."

"I hit a sore spot, didn't I?" Wind says, standing up. He glances at the cigarette that Link didn't finish. "I don't know why you think you have the right to just walk into people’s lives and- and just use them to make yourself feel better, because you  _ don't _ . You're like a leech. It's no wonder Ma didn't tell us about you." 

_ That _ hurt. "She did," he whispers, grabbing onto his other arm. "She had to. There's no way you didn't know about me before I came. You're just saying that."

"I'm not," Wind sighs, scratching his head. "She never talked about you to Aryll or me. I heard her talking about you to Grandma sometimes, but she never told us about you." 

_ I'm tired, Link. _

She wouldn't do that.

_ You keep pushing me away. _

"Why are you doing this?" Similar to Lana's words before their last encounter, before they broke up once and for all. He couldn't stop thinking about Lana, couldn't stop thinking about all the people that he loved before that he couldn't stand to be with anymore. Link breathes in shakily. "Wind, why are you trying to make me feel this way?" He chokes out, wiping his eyes with his wrist. 

"What are you-"

"Why are you going _ out of your way _ to make me feel like this?" Link repeats harshly, turning to glare at Wind. "I'm not your  _ friend _ , I'm not- I'm not your fucking  _ uncle _ , and I sure as hell am not your  _ brother _ . You met me not even a week ago, so why did you make it your responsibility to make me feel this way?"

Wind breathes in deeply as he tenses up. "I'm only doing it cause I care about you," he says quietly. "I thought-"

"Of course you thought," he says, humorlessly bitterly. "Why do you get to just make assumptions about me when you don't even  _ know _ me? When you didn't even know I existed until the moment I put you in a chokehold?" 

Wind clenches his hands into fists. "You- you don't get to turn this around on  _ me _ !" He shouts.

"Oh, I can't!?" Link retorts, pushing at Wind slightly, causing the teenager to stumble. "Stop talking like you  _ know _ me, then. My mom may be dating your grandmother, but I don't have to  _ like _ you for my mom to be happy." He glares daggers at Wind.

Link wishes he was at a bar. Then he would be able to just start a fight and say it was because he was drunk. 

"You can't just pray and ask for forgiveness and then pull this shit," Wind says quietly, backing up. He sniffles. "You shouldn't have come here." Wind turns away, walking to go back inside the house. 

"Stupid, fucking-" Link groans loudly as he pulls and yanks at his hair. 

_ Link, why did you come here? _

Ravio’s words echo in his eardrums next to Lana’s words, and he chokes on his breath. "I don't know," he whispers to himself, a hand against his forehead as he squats down, feeling the ache in his ankles. "Fucking  _ Christ _ ."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might have a pinched nerve ending so that's how i'm doin


	9. all i feel is you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "and if the devil were to ever see you, he'd kiss your eye and repent"  
> \- farouq jwaydeh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [i don’t care as long as i can hold you.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3savyRFqrI&ab_channel=IsaacDunbarVEVO)

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 31st | 3:14am**

He is getting too comfortable. 

With Gonzo, with himself, with his grief. 

This isn’t right. 

He needs to go home. Soon. 

Link was hoping to stay in California with his mother for the remainder of the summer, but after his argument with Wind, well. Plans change. They always do. 

Fuck, he can’t keep doing this. Getting comfortable and opening himself up to people who would hurt him. He needs to cut things off with Gonzo, needs to explain himself. Needs to get back to New York where he can fall back into the lazy haze of his cigarettes, of his home, of Ghirahim’s sweat late in the night. 

**Gonzo**

_ mind if i come by tomorrow _

_ to make you that frappe? _

Link doesn’t wait for a response when he goes to bed on the couch. 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 31st | 4:10am**

Link has coffee in his hand. Sitting across him is his sister. 

She’s saying something, laughing loudly as she banged her hand against the table. Her blonde locks were tied in braids that draped across her chest, bangs brushing her forehead. She looks up at Link, and asks him a question as she tilts her head curiously. 

Blinking, Link glances down at his coffee. When he looks up, his sister is gone. The coffee that she had was still on the table. If Link heard her, he knew her laugh would’ve echoed in his ears. 

“Aelda?” Link says aloud, standing up slowly. 

Link stumbles around for a moment, light headed, dizzy. 

“Where do you want to go now?”

“We can go home, if you want,” Link says as he turns to look at Lana. She is smiling brightly, a huge contrast from how she appeared the day she left, when her cheeks were flushed red and stained with tears. She is happy here. 

“Okay!” Lana nods, swinging their hands.

“Alright,” Link says. He furrows his brow. That’s not him saying these things. He’s not in control of his body, not in control of what he’s doing, of anything that was going on. He is a passenger in his mind, only able to view and experience things as they went. Never able to do something about it.

“What’s been going on with you lately?”

“What?”

“You’ve been-”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 31st | 7:56am**

His phone is ringing. 

The remnants of his dream, of Lana and Aelda leaves his memory as he answers his phone, wiping drool away from his lips. “Hello?” Link says, voice slightly deep as he tried to remove the memory of sleep away from the forefront of his brain. 

“ _ Do you still want to come over?” _

Right. Gonzo. Frappe.  _ Leaving to go home _ . “Yeah- Yeah I,” Link sits up, looking around the house for a moment. It doesn’t sound like anyone was awake, and he is an adult. He can do what he wants. “Is now okay?” He says quietly, going to his suitcase to look for something nice-ish to wear. 

“ _ Yeah… Yeah, now would be perfect.” _

“Are you sure?” Link says as he pulls a crop top out, along with some shorts. He leans against the couch, breathing lightly. “I don’t want to bother you or Tetra. It’s so early in the morning.”

“ _ It’s okay, Link. Just come over.” _

“Alright,” Link sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I’ll be over in a bit. Text me the address?”

" _ Of course. I’ll see you soon?” _

“Yeah, definitely. Bye Gonzo.”

“Bye Link.”

There’s a  _ click _ , and the call is over.

Link sighs as he looks up at the ceiling. 

He thought he got rid of his habit of thinking he was in love with someone the moment he met them, but apparently he loves Gonzo if the warmth in his chest was anything to go off of. This is a mistake, and he is going to cut it off before it could go any further. Just like he did with that girl from the party. 

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | July 31st | 8:09am**

The drive to Gonzo is short. Six minutes, but it takes him a bit to shake his anxiety off. 

Which he never did, but c’est la vie. 

Link texts Gonzo when he pulls into the driveway, and before he’s able to even knock on the door or ring the doorbell, the door opens, revealing Gonzo’s tanned face. 

He feels light. “Hey,” he greets, breathless. “It’s- it’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Gonzo says, smiling softly. He steps to the side, gesturing towards the inside of his home. “Please, come in, come in. Tetra went out not too long ago, so don’t worry about it,” Gonzo nods, and his smile never leaves his face.

Link’s heart thumps against his ribs, and any worries and anxiety he had from the previous night about whether he genuinely liked Gonzo or not vanished. “What’s your favorite frappe?” Link asks, slipping his shoes off once he enters, and Gonzo closes the door behind him.

Link doesn’t feel trapped in Gonzo’s home, doesn’t feel like he’s forced to stay. 

“Caramel. Are you tired?” Gonzo asks as he leads the blonde into his kitchen.

Link furrows his brow. “No, why do you ask?”

“You texted me five hours ago asking to come over. It’s just not a lot of time to sleep, Link,” Gonzo sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Do you need to nap or something? You can make the frappe later, we can just talk and watch tv or something.”

Link swallows. “Are you sure?” He whispers, drumming his fingers against the counter. 

“Yes. I want you to be well rested. If you need or want to talk about anything then we can, but you don’t have to. I’m not forcing you to say anything,” Gonzo says quietly, grabbing Link’s hand. He rubs his thumb over the back of Link’s hand, and Link wants to cry at the touch.

“Are you sure you want to hear all of my stupid shit?” Link whispers, squeezing Gonzo’s hand. His eyes are downcast, away from Gonzo, away from the one person he considers actually talking to. Not just having sex, not just using him, not just trying to find a way out. 

Link knows he doesn’t deserve this. But he’s selfish, always has been. Always will be.

“I’m sure.” 

He swallows the lump in his throat once more. “Can we sit down?” He glances towards the kitchen table, and Gonzo nods. They were seated across from one another, holding their hands over the table. 

“You can talk whenever you feel ready to,” Gonzo says, wrapping both of his hands around Link’s. 

“Okay,” he says, nodding to himself. He feels Gonzo’s thumb rubbing the back of his hand in slow strokes, comforting him with minimal contact. It was okay. This was fine. “I don’t know where to start. I guess-” talking about Aelda was an option. A horrible option, but one nonetheless. Link covers his forehead. “My… step brother and I got into an argument,” Link says, swallowing thickly. “There was- I don't know. We were just talking and then it just..." he sucks in a breath through his teeth.

"Do you mind if I asked you what the argument was about?" Gonzo asks quietly, looking up at Link. His expression was so soft as he rubbed Link's hand comfortingly, fingers leaving a trail of  _ something _ behind on his skin that made Link yearn for something. 

Link chews his lips as he nods to himself, looking down at their conjoined hands, down at the one thing connection them to each other, the one thing grounding him to California and keeping him from going back to the dream in New York. "You," Link whispers, thinning his lips before his tongue darts out, wetting his chapped lips. "It was about you."

Gonzo pauses in his movements, and his gaze darts down to this hands, where his fingers linger and where Link’s hand shakes. 

Link can't help but think about how many times he was in this position. A hand over his as he attempts to reconcile over the woes of his lives and the poison that dripped from his tongue and attacked someone with every word that left parted lips. Artemis never held his hand for long. Lana couldn't handle it, and Ravio, well. Holding hands wasn't part of their heated and breathy date. 

Gonzo's fingers tightened ever so slightly around his hand and Link wants to scream. 

_ It's no wonder Ma didn't tell us about you. _

"He uh, he was upset. Because-"  _ because he was worried I'm just using you  _ "-because he likes your daughter. Tetra." Link swallows and taps his other hand, his free hand, against his thighs, fingers tapping at a rapid pace in an unknown tempo. His thoughts are scrambled, and his nerves are restless beneath his skin, making him watch to claw at his skin until the itch was gone. "That's why he wanted me to go up and talk to you at Whole Foods the other day. But I really liked the date, so when I told him I was considering going out with you and he freaked out," he says quietly, and he blinks slowly, brow furrowing slightly. His eyelids felt heavy and his limbs were light, and he felt like he was going to fall endlessly into lethargy. 

Gonzo sighs, and shakes his head. "That's a, uh, conflict of interest, isn't it?" He says quietly, scratching his covered head. "I know Tetra's been talking about him more lately. It would be weird, if they ended up dating, wouldn't it?" 

"Yeah," Link murmurs, turning his hand over. His fingers ghost over Gonzo's palms and the beginning of his wrists, before he brought his hand back shakily. He turns his hand back over as he intertwines his fingers with Gonzo with a swallow. "I should- I should go back to New York."

_ You shouldn't have come here. _

Gonzo thins his lips. "Maybe. That's your home, right?"

"Yeah."  _ This could be home.  _ Link pushes the thought away as he lets go of Gonzo's hand, bringing it away from the man with a deep sigh. His brings his hands into his lap, fiddles with his fingers, pulling at them and he feels his bone moves slightly as he moves onto the next finger. "There was ah, a lot more to the argument with Wind, though. But none worth mentioning."

_ You can't just pray and ask for forgiveness and then pull this shit. _

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not today. Another day, maybe. I still owe you that frappe, after all."

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | July 31st | 8:57am**

"This is  _ really _ good Link. Holy shit."

"I'm glad you like it."

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | July 31st | 9:36am**

Gonzo had really appreciate the frappe that Link made earlier, and Link was glad to see Gonzo happy about the drink. It was nice to see the appreciation on Gonzo's face. 

They had decided to go up to Gonzo's room, up to his bed, up, up, up. 

There's an arm around his waist, and he feels Gonzo kiss the shoulder, lips brushing against his skin softly, his breath ghosting of his back and enveloping him. Link feels weak, feels like he's falling. Falling, falling, falling. 

Falling into the the comfort of the bed, falling into the arms of Gonzo, falling into this temporary fix. 

His eyelids feel so heavy, and his vision blurs ever so slightly from the edges. He feels Gonzo's hand drift down, down, down, just like Lana had did the night before she decided to leave, and Link's breath gets caught in his throat as he places his hand over Gonzo's, the lethargic spell wrapped around his mind finally breaking. 

"Don't," he whispers, closing his eyes. "I don't want to do that. Not now. Another time," he explains, pushing himself against to Gonzo, feels the warmth of the man on his back. Feels the lethargy begin to come back as he moves Gonzo's arm back to its original place over his waist. "I just want to feel you. Like this."

Gonzo buried his face in Link's neck, and his breath tickles. "Just this?" Gonzo whispers again Link's neck. There's silence, and Link can't hear anything happening in the rest of the house. He hears Gonzo hum. 

"Yeah. Just like that." 

"Okay Link."

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like im dying lmao


	10. don't look back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They asked 'do you love her to death?' I said 'speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life.'"  
> -Mahmoud Darwish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I won't take a knee, this is not for you, this is for me.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nayxHjvf2p0&ab_channel=Giveon-Topic)

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | July 31st | 11:59am**

When Link wakens, there’s sweat clinging to his skin, and pressure over his waist.

He breathes in deeply, before he wipes the crust off of his eyes. He pats Gonzo’s hand while stifling a yawn. “Hey, time to get up big guy,” he murmurs, stretching slightly.    
  
Gonzo groans, and there’s a kiss against the back of his neck, on his shoulder, and Gonzo’s hand is trailing up his side.    
  
Something boils in his stomach, and his lips pull up slightly. “Well, good morning to you too…”

Link turns to lay on his back, and Gonzo sits up, staring down at the blonde with warmth in his eyes. Link stares, and stares, his breath caught in his throat as he brings a hand up, trailing a finger down Gonzo’s jawline, down to his lips. He feels Gonzo’s breath on his fingertips, and he pulls his fingers down to the man’s chin, before letting his hand drop to the mattress as he sits up. 

Gonzo cups Link’s cheeks, hands framing Link’s face lovingly, and Link feels like he’s on fire. He places his hands over Gonzo’s wrists, fingers rubbing intricate designs onto the surface of Gonzo’s skin, and Gonzo is leaning closer to him, and their foreheads are touching, and Gonzo’s breath intermingles with his. 

“You’re beautiful,” Gonzo whispers, and his hands trail down Link’s face, leaving a trail of warmth on his cheeks. Link brings his hands up to rest on Gonzo’s shoulders, and he breathes like he’s just learned how to. 

He exhales shakily as he drags his nails down Gonzo’s chest and he closes his eyes. 

And with his last breath, he leans forward, capturing Gonzo’s lips in his own. 

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | July 31st | 12:09pm** ****  
**  
** “Your phone’s ringing,” Gonzo whispers into the crook of Link’s neck, out of breath.

Link sighs, panting heavily as he shuts his eyes tight. He rubs his hands over Gonzo’s shoulders in thought, his brow furrowing slightly as he licks his lips, listening to the ring of his phone.

It stops for a moment, and Gonzo almost moves forward before it starts ringing again.

“I am  _ so  _ sick of getting interrupted.”

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | July 31st | 12:15pm**

Gonzo’s chin is resting on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. He kisses Link’s back when the blonde sighs loudly.

“I’m literally an  _ adult _ , I don’t need to tell you where I go-” Link pauses, his brow furrowing in thought for a moment. “How did you even get my number?”

“ _ I asked ma for it.” _

“Of course you did,” Link grumbles, leaning into Gonzo’s embrace. “Did you need something?”

“ _ Ma wants you to come home _ .”

“If she did then she would’ve called me.”

“ _ She did. Like an hour ago.” _

Link thins his lips as he pulls his phone away from his ear for a moment, and his screen flashed for a moment, showing the unnamed number. The red button at the bottom of his screen that would end the call is really tempting. 

He clicks the home button, and he sees the picture of him, Aelda, and his mother from his sisters last birthday. He scrolls down, seeing his notification history.

Two missed calls from mom, five texts from mom. One call from Twilight. 

Link brings the phone back up to his ear, and he leans further into Gonzo. “Well, what does she want?”

“ _ For you to come home? She thought you were kidnapped, idiot.” _

“Did you not hear me when I said I was an adult?” Link stares up at the ceiling, and rubs his hand against his bare thigh, biting his lip. “Whatever, don’t say anything brat. I’ll be back soon, need to finish doing something.” Link didn’t even wait for a response from Wind as he hung up on teenager, chucking his phone onto his clothes that laid on the floor by Gonzo’s bed. 

Gonzo chuckles into his shoulder. “Need to finish doing something, huh?”

Link rolls his eyes as he turns his head, pressing his lips harshly against Gonzo as he pushes the man down onto the mattress. “Mhm. Only if you’re still feelin’ it though.”

Gonzo hums against Link’s lips before switching positions. He kisses Link’s collarbone. “Of course.”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 31st | 1:05pm**

“I’m home!” 

“Angelo!” His mother cups his face, her thumbs stroking small lines over his cheekbones, and he feels like he’s a little boy again. Like he just ran inside after playing all day with Aelda, and his parents thought they were missing when they didn’t tell them they were going to go play with the neighbors one street away back in New York. “Where have you been? My boy-”

“Ma,” Link grabs her hands, lowering them slowly. He doesn’t let his grasp leave, though. He maintains eye contact with his mother, stepping closer to her. “I’m okay. I was just on a date. I promise I’m okay.”

His mother sniffles, nodding quickly. 

“I was with a friend, we talked over coffee and took a nap, that’s why I didn’t answer your call.” Link squeezes her hands, before dropping his grasp and moving his hands to her shoulders. “I swear nothing happened. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“I was so worried-”

“I know.”

“You didn’t pick up and it’s been  _ hours _ , and Wind said you get into argument-” she began to ramble in Italian, patting his face repeatedly, running her hands up and down his shoulders. Link glances to the side, and he sees Wind and Aryll peaking out from behind a wall, and he glares at them as he begins to shush his mother. 

“Hey, hey, hey, mama, devi calmati,” he whispers, pulling her into a hug. “Devi calmati. Ti amo, mama.” He rubs her back, listens to her mumble incoherently, listens to her talk about when Aryll was kidnapped after she left without saying anything, listens to her talk about how she couldn’t deal with another loss, not after Aelda. 

Link feels his eyes water, but he pushes it back, resting his chin on top of his mother’s head as he continues to try and help her through her anxiety. 

“It’s okay, mama,” Link mumbles, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. “‘It’s okay, I promise.”

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | July 31st | 1:15pm**

Anadia made them tea and helps his mother calm down after hours of worry. 

“It’s okay Noemi.” Anadia places a kiss against his mom’s cheek, and Link looks away. 

He knows he’s the reason she was so worried, why she was anxious for hours. He was the reason that she ended up picturing the worst, all because he left home without much thought. 

Link sighs as he walks outside, pulling his box of cigarettes out. 

He needs to go back to New York. 

It would be better for his mother, for Gonzo, if he just went back home and distanced himself from them. 

It wouldn’t hurt if he left now. 

**Lafayette | Monticello Rd | August 1st | 3:33am**

Link couldn’t sleep. 

More like he was trying to find the soonest flight to New York, and he just got lucky when he found one in the next few days. He’ll probably tell his mother in the morning. 

“Why are you still awake?”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he sits up, turning his phone off quickly. “None of your business. Why are  _ you _ still awake?” He asks back, narrowing his eyes at Wind.

Wind shrugs and makes his way to the empty chair by the couch that Link’s laying on. “Not tired. Do you wanna talk? About what happened the other night?”

“What? No,” Link scoffs, and he places his phone on his chest. “Is this- are you trying to be the better man or something by doing this?” He shakes his head, and sighs loudly, exasperated. “Just go to bed, Wind, it’s fine.”

Despite his words, Wind doesn’t move. He chews his lip, messes with his hair, avoiding Link’s gaze. “I’m sorry. I know we got off on the wrong foot-”

“Yeah, I almost knocked you out.”

“And I  _ forgive  _ you, but you don’t have to do the same for me,” Wind says slowly. He twiddles with his thumbs for a moment before he pulls at his knuckles. “Look, I don’t get what happened to make you… like that, but when Aryll got kidnapped, I was so scared, and worried. She’s my sister, and I’m supposed to protect her, you know?” Wind pauses, and Link wants the kid to go back to bed and pretend this conversation wasn’t happening. “And I feel like I failed her. But then we got her back, and I’ve never been happier.”

“I’m glad you got her back,” Link says quietly as he sits up, his phone falling into his lap. “And I’m glad that you were able to get over what happened. That’s a tough situation, and it’s good that she’s safe.” His lips pulled down into a frown, and he hated the emptiness he was feeling in his chest, the numbness that surrounded his brain, and the overall bitterness that took root in his life years ago.

“I’m sorry you didn’t,” Wind whispers. “Ma told us what happened after I asked. And I get what you’re feeling right now, but trust me when I say that you can’t live like this.” Wind stands up, and Link backs up against the armrest. The other blonde crouches in front of the couch, right by Link, and Link feels like he can’t breathe anymore. 

“And trust  _ me _ when I say you don’t know what you’re talking about.” His eyes burn, and he realizes he hasn’t blinked yet, and it  _ stings. _

Wind grabs his hands, and Link flinches. 

“Your sister would want you to move on.”

Link wants nothing more than to just go to bed, ignore this conversation for the hundredth time. His lip quivers, and when he finally blinks, he feels a stream of tears flow down his cheeks, and he tries his best to push those feelings  _ down _ . Down like he’s done for years, down where it belongs with his addictions and thoughts. “I can’t,” he cries out quietly, eyeing the blanket that covered his legs. “I don’t want to. She- she can’t- I  _ won’t _ -”

“It’s okay, Link,” Wind murmurs, and his voice sounds shaky, and Link feels the need to begin comforting the younger of the two, despite their argument from the previous night. It didn’t matter, that didn’t  _ matter  _ right now. “She’ll understand.”

He swallows, and shakes his head weakly. “No, no,  _ no _ , she’s my sister, I’m supposed to  _ protect her _ -” he hiccups, and he pries his hands out of Wind’s and covers his face. His breathing was harsh, and he couldn’t stop the tears that were collecting. 

“And you did, you did protect her.” Wind moves to sit on the couch, and he pulls link into his side where Link then rests his head on the teenager’s shoulder. He sniffles before he continues to hiccup, and Wind then redirects his head into his lap. “But now it’s her turn to protect you, and she can’t do that until you move on from this part of your life and  _ recover. _ ”

Link allows Wind to move his head, not bothering to fight it, and there’s a hand on top of his head, in his hair, and he thinks back to when he would watch his mother and his sister do the same thing when they were younger. 

Link doesn’t bother to respond, and soon enough his cheeks are tearstained, and his eyelids are shut, his breathing even as his chest rises and falls at an steady pace.

Wind doesn’t bother to say anything, doesn’t bother to move, or to wake Link up.

**Lafayette | Magnolia Ln | August 5th | 4:42pm**

Gonzo’s hand is placed over his once again, and Link feels his chest tighten. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, looking down at the wood of the table, memorizing where each scratch or mark was. “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay,” Gonzo says quietly, and Link can hear the man smile. “I understand.” Gonzo brings Link’s hand up, and Link feels Gonzo press light kisses against his fingers, the back of his hand, on the inside of his wrist, before placing Link’s hand back on the table. He feels himself choke up slightly when he still feels the touch of Gonzo’s lips against his fingertips linger long after Gonzo places their hands back on the table.

“I’m sorry for leaving, I just don’t belong here,” Link continues, voice shaking slightly. There’s a pause of silence that rings out between the two, and Link feels like he’s suffocating on it. There was nothing between him and Gonzo, no air, no sound, no connection. “Thank you,” he murmurs. "For everything." He hesitates, before deciding to interlace their fingers, knowing that it would be the last that he would feel Gonzo. ‘ _ I love you _ ,’ he wants to say, just like he wanted to do with all the others. 

He can't help but feel like Gonzo is different than his other partners. 

“It was my pleasure.”

**Los Angeles | LAX International Airport | August 10th | 7:15am**

Link didn’t sleep at all last night. 

His thoughts and feelings swirled around his mind, and whenever he felt relaxed enough to rest, his thoughts would kickstart and he would end up overthinking for half an hour before finally deciding to remain awake. 

He wishes that he properly said goodbye to his mother and her new family, but he was sure that if he did, he would end up staying. Staying where he would continue to cause her distress and worry, where he would inevitably hurt her again. 

Everyone should still be asleep. They wouldn’t notice he left until he was long gone on the plane.

He was lucky enough that Gonzo was willing to drop him off at the airport before bidding him the inevitable farewell.

There wasn’t much he could do, much that he wanted to do, anyways. Scrolling through his phone is entertaining for so long, and he can’t say he finds that atmosphere at airports that interesting, either. 

Link considers messaging Twilight, but goes against the urge.

There’s a small chime overhead, and he pays it no mind as he slouches, palming the pack of cigarettes in his pocket.

“Good morning passengers, this is the pre-boarding announcement for flight BA4311 to New York. We are now inviting passengers with small children and any passengers requiring special assistance to come forward and begin boarding first.”

He considers going outside to smoke, going outside where he can turn back and call Gonzo, where he could go back to what he should consider home. 

His mother is safe and happy, and he’s never seen her glow like that in years. He hasn’t seen her look at anyone with so much adoration and love besides himself and his sister, and seeing how she looks at others like that just makes him  _ yearn _ . 

Link wants to go back, go back to where he feels like he should be able to wake up, but he knows that the longer he stays in California, the more likely he was to fall into old habits.

He couldn’t let his mother see that part of him. Let her see all the drugs that intertwined themselves with his blood, or how much nicotine is coursing through him, how his lungs aren’t as clear as they should be, how almost every night he brings someone home just to avoid being alone.

He can’t do that. He can’t let her see that, let her see how much of a mess he became when he was on his own.

It would break her heart if she ever knew what really went on in his life. If she ever knew of the drugs that entered his body, ever knew of what he did on a day to day basis just to try and feel something or to ignore a feeling. 

“This is the final boarding call for flight BA4311. Would all remaining passengers for this flight please report to gate 45.”

Link doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting on the plastic chair that stuck to the skin on his back, and he doesn’t move from his spot. He wasn’t ready to think of going back to his old life, where he would be leaving his mother and her new girlfriend, or leaving Gonzo, who he considers he might have a genuine connection with.

He knows that staying meant he could start a new life. 

He also knows that staying meant abandoning Aelda. 

That wasn’t something he could ever do, not when he failed in protecting her, not when he still needed her. Link couldn’t leave her home again, not after last time. 

A part of Link wants to go back to Gonzo and his mother, but he knows he needs to go back to Aelda. Needs to go back home.

Home is in New York, even if home was ash covered floors with the smoke stained walls to match. Where he could fall into his routine of finding someone new each weekend to fall in love with for an hour. 

Home is where he always knew Twilight would be there for him, where he could always go to his childhood best friend no matter what was going on. He could trust Twilight with everything, and not worry about the judgement that he knew he deserves. Home is where he’s waiting for Hyrule to recover and wake up, where he can spend more of his days with Time, where he can find people where he can be himself around. 

Home is where his problems and solutions intertwine to form his conflicting addiction.

Home is where Aelda is buried. 

“This is the final boarding call for passenger Link Arteaga booked on flight BA4311 to New York. Would this passenger proceed to gate 45 immediately.”

He pushes the thought of his mind quickly, dismissing the idea of it entirely. 

_ ‘Once I get on the plane _ ,’ Link thinks,  _ ‘then I’ll be able to go back to normal.’ _

He can’t turn around. Can’t look back. 

He can’t stay in California, even if he wants to. 

_ ‘Don’t look back.’ _

He grips the handle of his suitcase, and his knuckles shake slightly from his tight grip. Link stands, and his mind races. He considers all of his options, and he finally makes a decision as he pulls his phone out.

And he stares at his contact list. Stares at Gonzo’s name while his thumb hovers over Ghirahim’s contact.

Link swallows the lump in his throat, as he finally makes a decision, and presses the call button.

It rings, once, twice, and then there’s a click, and Link’s lips part as he murmurs to the person on the other end of the phone. 

_ ‘Don’t look back.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the update is a little late, i had a 10 hour shift today. but man, this is the last chapter :^) i can't believe it's over, honestly. it's so weird to think about. thanks everyone who read it, i really appreciate it !!
> 
> also yes it is an open ending. you can interpret is as:  
> A.) Link going back to New York. He isn't looking back to California because he doesn't know if how happy he could be if he permanently moved to California.  
> B.) Link stays in California. He isn't looking back to New York, or looking back at anything that tied him down to New York. Twilight, Aelda, the lack of change. It was a routine, and change is scary. 
> 
> Realistically Link woulda had to go back anyways to sell the house and get his stuff LMAO but lets pretend that we didt do that. idk, it just felt better as an open ending :^)

**Author's Note:**

> If anything needs to be tagged, please tell me. 
> 
> Reminder that this work of fiction goes into mature themes and topics that may be sensitive to certain viewers. Please remember that depiction of a character is unhealthy and should not be deemed okay. If you find yourself relating to this depiction of Warriors, please seek out help or talk to someone. This is only a character. You are a real person that matters and you deserve to be healthy and happy. 
> 
> Upload schedule: 
> 
> Saturdays.


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